complicated

2006-04-30T00:23:00.000-07:00

So, we were supposed to watch a movie. But well, we kinda passed the time for the show. So ya.. We skipped it. I saw Jocelyn while waiting for him. Kinda long since we saw each other. It was great talking to her. Shall ask her out sometime man. Ya.. Well, it rained as soon as we got to Sunplaza. I bought an umbrella so it'd be more convenient. So ya.. That was yesterday. lol. Love spending time with him. He's nice. Yeapp. We saw the PAP people and they smiled at us. Lol. They're like so lame. They spoke through some kind of microphone to get votes or something. But they're travelling around the car that you can't even hear what they're saying. Crap. Well, that was yesterday.

I woke up at like 5am today when I felt my phone vibrating. He was still awake.. I found that I haven't taken my contacts out~! My godd. I quickly took it out and msg-ed him for a while before going back to sleep. I slept like some kinda pig. Woke up like damn late. Well, we were supposed to go to Kbox actually. The early one. But we didn't. Cause the both of us woke up damn late. lol. Well, I went out to meet Yuyu. However, it ended up with me seeing many old friends. Talked to a number of people. Anyway, I'm gonna get that phone! Wilfred's phone. I kind of fell in love with it. Yay! I'm gonna get it next week. Must. Not sure what model it is. But it's a Motorola phone. It's so slim. I like those kinda model. Saw Kenneth today.. And after a real long time we finally really talked. Oh well, he told me a lot of sensible things. Should I listen? Or should I not? But about me becoming worse than before. Ya.. Quite true. I've gotta change. Well, actually I've started to change. Just that.. it ain't enough. I'm so not the girl I used to be one year ago. I have to be her. Cause that's the real me. But I'll just let nature take its cause. That'll be the best way I guess. yahh.. Oh well. Met my ex for a while just now. He.. aiya. I really don't know what to say. Well.. Guess I'll end here.

2006-04-28T14:51:00.000-07:00

I really don't know why. But I just love this blog. I know it contains a lot of bitter memories. Reading through it, I feel damn stupid man. But sincerely, I don't care. If you guys want to like.. read about my past then go ahead. But I suggest you guys start from here. I just don't wanna delete `cause maybe some day I'd wanna read about it again.. and laugh at myself again. But I'm definitely 100% done with that life. It wasn't the kind of life I was fitted to. Everything was in a mess. But now, everything's fine. Calm. The storm finally ended. I'm like a bird whose cut on the wings has just healed. It feels great to be able to fly again. School life in MI is not too bad. It's just that I guess I should really start studying. Coming here, all of our aims is to get into university. But only like nine people per class may be able to enter. I'm going to be so dead. I'm not one of the better pupils in the class. Some cycos who got good grades for their O's still came into this pathetic school. Like what do they want? hahs. Forget it.

Actually, I suddenly miss my blog and came to take a look at it. goshh. Never did I thought so many has happened. And this blog's song just makes me wanna pull my hair. lol. But I like it. I really do. Well, our home tutor ( that is equivalent to a form teacher ) is leaving already. There's a bbq for her tomorrow. Wonder if I should go. Maybe for a while? What should I get for her man? I've not treated her that nice. So, I guess I should get her something. I'm bad. Today's her last day and I still shouted at her. But oh well. I have limits too. Aiya. Forget that. I still like her laa. In a way.. Hmmm. I guess I won't write that much. I'm going to a movie in a while. =) Larry asked me to a chalet. Should I go? Lee Yan didn't answer my call. That means no one's going with me. I can't possibly go alone right? Oh well. See how. I guess I'd better get going. Later~.

2006-01-09T00:51:00.000-08:00

heii everyone . i'm backk . year 2oo6 . new year . me n him are backk together . id'll be great i noe . everyone has changed . hopefully . bud i'm a happie woman now . let's juz hope everything will go rite . =) anyway, i'll nort be blogging here anymore . so , get mi new bloggie add from me .

2006-01-01T20:11:00.000-08:00

my last post here . anything juz call mi phone or msg me in friendster or MSN .

i am bloody sick and tired of de life i'm leading now . being .. controlled by my emotions . can't get de hell out of this . i still love him even after de way he treated me . i am sick n tired of the farking things he did . i mean .. he did something real BIG . REALLY BIG . as in, makes any girlfriend crazy . id's farking big . even till now, he's lying tuhh me . godd . i reallie wonder wart he exactly wants from me . he was juz using me ? or wart de hell .. does anyone understand how devastated i feel ? i wake up everyday crying . sincerely .. i ain't lying . maybe it's my retribution . godd . u noe .. what he told me yesterday .. i believed him . i was gonna call him todaee . but well, i found oudd de truth .. n i'm never gonna lie to myself ever again . u CHEATED ON ME U ASSHOLE . i reallie dunno what wrong i have done tuhh u or even where i went wrong . i mean .. oh what the hell .. can't stand it man . reallie . y can't it juz be perfect . what he did tuhh me .. i thought id only happens in series or tuhh adults and all .. but it happened tuhh me . godd . my life is soo ruined . dis is a new year . i wanna start a new life . i noe i won't forget him . bud, i wanna start life anew . i love him lots .. reallie lots .. bud he'll never noe . he never will . he's juz a jerk who toyed with me . enuff . reallie . enough of ur lies . please . reallie . dun toy with me any further . u noe u dun love me . so stop it . i won't look for u again . i noe there'll be temptations . bud i'll try my best not to . i'll try . to get u outta my head . we haven't broke up . i dun wanna . coz mi heart is still with u . no one else has to know dat we havent broke up . coz i wan u tuhh have the freedom of being with any girl . coz i won't ever be by ur side . i can't .. thou i really love u so .. so .. u are free tuhh tell everyone dat u dun haf a gf . bud i noe u do have one .. that is me .. even if u have two .. dat's onli ferr me tuhh noe . others dun haf to . budd for me .. u'll always be my bf .. till de day i can go up tuhh u .. n say.. i dun love u anymore . mwarks .

i'll onli come back here . when i reallie have moved on in life . other than dat, pls contact me thru other means . thanx .

# dead . ++

2005-12-31T09:55:00.000-08:00

i woke up in a fit of cold sweat all around me . godd id felt so real . yet, i was dreaming .

i was being handcuffed . scary . sitting in da police car . i was practically crying . my bestest fren was being handcuffed rite beside me . i entered a place i've never been tuhh before . i was facing the walls which were light green in colour and i sat on da bench . id all seemed so real . a lady who was lyk freaking pale was rite beside me on the other side of da bench . she took a glance ad me and continued with her sleep . i was practically still crying and my best fren was lyk seperated from me with a wall in between . godd it fucking felt soo real .

well, my best fren was afraid i was angry . well, let's give a name.. say my bestfren is ABC . it was pretty vague . all i knew was id felt lyk dat person was da bestest fren i had . ABC was lyk trying tuhh cover up furhh everything i did . lyk wat da hell . id was all my fault . i could feel da guilt when i was in derr . i dunno .. but da case was lyk so real and i could hear my mum crying over da fon . all i could do was drop tears from my eyes down to my cheeks and it'll be wiped by dos fucking hands of mine .

blood was injected out from me . n ABC. wart de fuck . ABC was involved juz because ABC was trying tuhh cover up for me . the policewoman was talking tuhh me . asking me how long i've been with ABC . i couldn't answer coshh i cant even see ABC's face in da dream . well, the policewoman juz said i shld treasure ABC .. cos only at dese point of tym would u noe who ur true frenz are . i slept in the farking place till about 11+ when my mum went ta fetch me home and nothing happened to me . but ABC was detained . lyk wart de fuck ? ABC didn't even do anything wrong . all i could feel was i left da place with guilt and tears rolling down dos cheeks of mine .

crap rite ? in real life, it couldn't have been this way . there's no such nice thing furhh me . in real life, i'll haf no such fren . in real life, i'd have been bashed up by my family members . but well, i'm in one piece . lol . only my heart is in two . we got back together . juz to not be together again i guess ? haishh . i dun wanna go anywhere anymore anyway . i'm locking myself . anything, i'll only reply tuhh computer messages . dun bother asking me oudd . coz i won't . i need some time ... OFF`.

2005-12-23T06:59:00.000-08:00

ermm.. yesterday morning.. met joey to shopp. bought lotsa things. spent lyk so much lorr.. above $250 bahh .. haishh.. she also bought mascara and a beautiful necklace.. i'm thinking of buying de neckklace as well.. shld i? lol. well, anyway, work was pretty fun yesterday cause Jenny wasn't there.. i was lucky furgh getting off without an m/c without getting scolded.. yippee`. to think i was so afraid.. lol .. and i had the company of all my great frenz derr.. plus.. joey's break time was de same as mine. how great was that? but well, sadly, it was michael's last daee.. budd still okayy larhh.

after work was disaster.. it was great receiving da phonecall but it felt bad when i hung up.. ermm.. seems lyk i wasted my effort on a guy who nv appreciated.. well, tuhh him, he chose de wrong gurl. it's okayy. i never regretted whatever i did.. no matter what ppl say. but i noe i have tuhh go on.. n that's exactly wart i'm doing.. =)

i woke up late for werkk todaee. goshh. sorry ling wei and qi.. furh making ya guys wait. =X hmmm.. after dat went tuhh eat lunch wibb joyce.. and played a lil of photohunt wibb her before making our way backk home. she's pretty nice tuhh talk to.. i thot she was de quiet kind who wont reallie talkk.. i was wrong. lol. =X i wanted tuhh sleep when i reached home.. but i couldn't. damn.. from ytd till now, i only had one hour's sleep. ahh.. now's 11.20.. tmr i OT nehh. die`. well, i'll make dis quick. ermm.. well, xiao meii was lyk bored after her tuition and we went to play bball.. saw matthew and his fren at 851.. how shocking was dat? oh well.. we then went to 111 to play bball.. talked tuhh joyce furh a while and den she had tuhh go le lorr.. dunno what christmas thingy at ngee ann.. yahh.. met xue jun at yee xin's place at 139 derr.. listened tuhh some music and ate some snacks before goin' home..

kenneth juz sold his PSP to matthew.. i had to pass the charger to matthew juz now.. hmmm.. funnie.. his fren msg-ed me.. he wanna be my fren yet i duchh ever noe his name~! lol. well, i dun care anyway.. life is just fine with me.. i mean.. as long as i know, i tried my best.. i can live with that. i'm still a happy young woman. =)

oh ya.. i got wine for his mum and dadd. err. ish it okayy? i mean.. will they even take wine?? diiaoo.. dunno lehh. shld be alright bahh .. urgghh. whatever..can larh ..

u'll know true frenz wen u nid one moz`.

i noe i love u`.

budd i'm willing tuhh letcha go`.

Friday

Dec 23, 2005

11:28pm

2005-12-21T07:42:00.000-08:00

furget wartever i mentioned. enuff. i was talking crap. der's lyk many who treasures me. so yeapp. y shld i bother so much abt a person who doesnt even seem tuhh wanna farking care? it's okayy. i'm really fine. y shld i nort be? i've been in dis position before. i shld noe how to control right now. i guess he's back tuhh wooing the girl he used tuhh lyk. i dun cairre also. haha. he won't noe how tuhh lurve or cherish me. i might as well leave dis life. i've suffered enuff.

tmr's gonna b` tough on me man. i dun haf m/c for monday. i'm lyk soo dead. i dun cairre. maybe i'll get scolding. most tuhh most, sacked. who cares?? it's all da more better. den i dun haf tuhh lyk tender for my resignation. work is lyk soo sick. i dun even haf my freespace. budd i lurve the ppl there except furh the supervisor. -_- hmmm. well, michael's last day is tmr. he's a nice guy who talks tuhh me at work whenever i was lyk freaking boredd. i'll miss looking at chio bu melissa. i'll miss mui fong jie who has been so nice tuhh me ever since da first day of work. i'll miss manis who is as new as i am. i'll miss kenji who always t0ks c0ck to me. i'll miss the uncle who always ties a ponytail and has a tattoo since he was my age. I'LL DEFINITELY MISS JOEY.. and SANDY. these two gurls have been my bestest fren during my stay there. But luckily for me.. Joey is staying in yishun also. haha.. near cpcc there.. shoo still okayy larh. dey named me an english name. Diana. they said it suits me. haha. i've always liked dat name anyway. u may wanna call me that. lol. wokayy.. err.. i'm definitely gonna miss the bubbly sock han? is that how u spell her name? she's just great. n also.. susan.. quiet but really damn nice. and the jie jie who introduced me to some facial stuffs. she's great. hmmm.. a lot nehh . can't rmb all. i lurrrve all the colleagues man. but juzz not the supervisor.. and the bloody pay. n the daily job which takes away all muhh freedom. sian larhh..

well, anyway, i'm going shopping with joey tmr. my dad's giving me a hundred bucks. godd that's gonna `b nort enuff. i know it. but well, i have to make do with it. lol. wartever. it'll be a new start urf my life. n BOYS.. are tuhh be put aside. lol. i'm gonna live the life i had before mr goh foo boon stepped into my life. a life where i never stooped so low as to always haf to do everything the guys' way. i need to haf my own way as well.

full stop`.

:: u treated me lyk a treasure wen u wanted me baq` ::
:: u were the purrfect guy back then ::
:: bud aft dat, é way u treated me juz g0t worse::
:: i'm used tuhh it ::
:: won't trust a guy so easily eva again ::

2005-12-20T22:50:00.000-08:00

urgghhh.. migraine just suckkkkkkkk. fuck itt.

kept thinkin yesterdae. godd. haishh. i couldn't sleep. tossed and turned in bed. yet juz couldn't get myself tuhh sleep. i thot.. maybe.. juz maybe it was muhh fault. haishh. i mean.. i was the one who changed. i noe very well dat his personality is lidat. haishh .. sick`. i mean.. i cud bloody well see dat he was like.. trying his best to change and all. thou the improvement wasn't satisfactory. i knew him well enough t0 bloody hell see dat he was attempting.. 4 0nce tuhh juz make me happie.. yet, i lost it. how cud i lose my cool when everything was fine? yahh.. he didn't treat me as great as when we just got backk together. that's his fault.. but it was my fault to lose muhh cool. urgghh. buay tahan le larhhhhhh.. i know he cares about me. but he.. idiot. when he's bloody hellie nice, he can be shoo nice. but he can just change immediately.. to be such an asshhhole. urgghh. y0uu attempting.. i'm freaking happie. but it ain't enough. maybe to u, i'm asking furh too much. but noo.. i'm telling you. it's very ez if you put away what others might think about u. i used to not bother. n i pampered u too much lorr. then, it was your turn to pamper me.. but it seems lykk.. u dun even care to dote on me. haishh. let it be over then. sincerely, i dun wish to think about it at all. it could have been close to purrfect. but now, i guess, it's gonna be close to doomsdae.. haishh..

pek chek`.

2005-12-20T07:43:00.000-08:00

You've been too pampered. Girls treated you too good. So you take it all for granted that you can get any girl you want. And that you dun have to treat them good. You never cared about any girl. All you fucking care about is.. ur fucking mian zi. Wo shou gou le. Yi qian.. bu guan ni zhuo shen me shi, hai shi shen qi, wo dou hui yi zhi an wei ni.. hong ni kai xin. GOU LE. You'll never once ever sit down to think what I have done for you. Or how well I treated you. Being with you, I just swallowed when people said, "Hidayah, wo jue de ni zhuo nu de zhuo de hen shi bai leh. haishh." Why is it that they say all these? Cause whatever you do, I'll just stupidly always walk to you and start consoling you and all. I've always been giving in. I've been the one working hard in the relationship. never you. But what do you know? There's a limit to where I stand. I've had enough of all these. When is it that you're gonna show that you treasure me? Look at Victor. One look and you'll definitely know he dotes on Joyce so much. Heii. Did anyone ever said anything like Victor is stupid or whatever? no. So why can't you just do something like that? pa mei you mian zi mehh? Victor you gei ren jia jiang ta mei you mian zi ma? But what if it were Joyce who were the one always consoling Victor? What'll YOU say? Joyce hen ben lehh.. Victor dou bu yao guan ta.. ta hai zhe yang. Right anot? I mean.. Think man. I'm sure you'd think it's all my fault blah blah. You know what? I'm just doing what I was supposed to do all these while.. I've treated you very good le. Yet, you don't appreciate. You'd think you treat me well. Just because you don't flirt anymore. Shit man. I also never flirt means i treat u good ah? I've never treated a guy this good larh ehh. Please lah. I never hong nan hai zi kai xin de lehh. Ask mi ex larh.. yes, I might have been giving to them. Cause I can't stand getting angry for too long.. But what I've given you.. and how well I've treated you and all.. Godd, I've never like that treated a guy before. Ehh. Enough is enough man. You'll never think it's your fault. Cause you never cherished me. If you did, you'll never had walked out on me. You'll never have mentioned the word "break". I know today... You tried your best to keep that word off your mouth. But acting like you want it.. is as good as saying it. I don't exactly ask for much man. It's just that.. if you really love me, no matter how bad your temper is.. you'd not walk out on me. Even if you did, you'll turn back and walk to me.. asking if I'm alright, even if it's in a weird tone. If you really love me, no matter how badly you want to save your face, you'll never allow me to go away. If you really treasured me, you'll show to everyone how much you mean to me. Not allowing anyone to have a reason to say you don't need me at all and that it's easy for you to find another girl. Yeah, well, I know I ain't pretty. But if you loved me, you won't care and you won't act in front of your friends. You'll dote on me no matter where we are. But I guess you never do. You listen to what your friends say a lot. You care too much abou what others say and you may just get influenced. If this is the case, haishh.. What's the amount of love you have for me? I wonderr.. If you really loved me, all these would be put aside. sincerely, I felt a little of the love you gave. But you know what? You don't REALLY love me. You just have feelings for me. But not of an awful lot.. Or so I feel. Even some of my friends tend to dote on me more than you. I know you'd think I've changed. How come I suddenly become so rebellious towards you when last time, I used to be the quiet girl who accepts everything you do? Well, I accepted them last time you know why? Cause last time.. though you weren't that great a stead, you knew how to still dote on me. You'd walk me home everyday. And came over just to see me. Last time, you never really gave me attitude and all.. You'd always look at me and smile. And I could feel how sweet you were to me. When we just patched back, you know how great you were? You were the best man. But now, youre just a sicko. I used to swallow all your attitudes because it was just once or twice. But now, I guess you're with the perspective that I'll always come back and say.. "aiyo.. bu yao shen qi la k.. " and blah.. or I'll just keep quiet. You got used to it too much that you continue on doing it. I used to get pampered too much too. I'd always assume that he'd come back to me and blah. I never learnt my lesson. But I learnt one day that I shouldn't have been that way. When'd you learn? I've had enough. Why can't you just treat me better? Is what I'm asking for too much? I just need you to dote on me. If you really love me, godd.. it'd be easy man. If you never loved me, then don't toy with me. ENOUGH MAN. I want the old you. The one who treated me best. I just need you to change a little. Just to treat me better. If you can't, then perhaps, my decision was right. I never wanted to do so . wo zhi dao wo mei you gen ni zai yi qi wo hui xin ku.. ke shi.. ru guo ni bu yao gai de hua.. wo gen ni zai yi qi.. wo hui TONG KU ah.. haishh. You think yourself.. if it's all my fault. I know certain stuffs were my fault. duhh. But horr.. heii, look at me as a girl you love. n not like any other girl.. haishh.. maybe, u never loved me. forget it. It's all up to you to prove to me if you ever loved me. fat chance. I know you won't wanna get back together anyway. Guess it's over anyway. 1 month and 3 weeks.. seemed like years. man.. life is tough man.

2005-12-13T07:21:00.000-08:00

Heii.. Sorry for not posting for long. Work and all.. just too tired. I'm now really tired.. So I'm just gonna make it short.

Career-wise:

The job there is like really making me sleepy. I don't know why. And I'm getting real tired of this cause I practically have any time to myself. I mean.. I only have every Tuesdays off. I'm still a teenager man. i can't possibly work like this. But actually, the people there are pretty nice.. so ya. It's not soo bad. Just that the pay itself, now that I realise, is pretty low. Anyway, I'm only doing this job for a month. I have to start tutoring next month. So yahh..

Love-life:

Our relationship is still going strong. Well, we quarrelled once.. but it only lasted for a while. I mean.. it was just a fucking misunderstanding. Well, anyway, which couples won't have tiffs right? He's a lot better right now. He really treats me well. He doesn't neglect me anymore. I'm like.. so glad. =) Something great happened today. Well, we were watching tv when he suddenly grabbed a flower and asked me to marry him. hmmm.. As for the ring.. We used something (dun tell you guys whatt.. heesh) to represent it. lol. It was like.. so sweet of him. We are now officially married. lol. I love u honeyy. Well, I know I cannot be without him anymore. Life will be hard man. And he.. is showing me that he treasures me. I'm more than glad. Muackx. *Aisini_

Family:

Well, my parents are supportive of whatever I'm doing. They still do nag at me at times for going home late.. but they trust me more now. I'm glad. We're still one happy family. Ohh.. And my mum bought me slippers. lol. How sweet is that? 2 of them man. Not bad.. Her taste is still acceptable. =)

Friends:

Well, I barely have time for my honey and family now.. let alone friends. But well, I do talk to some of my friends.. like.. Pei Fen.. Adilah.. And I sometimes play bball with some friends as well. Killing 2 birds with one stone.. Being with him and friends. =) Not forgetting my workplace friends... they're nice. And I found out Peili is also working at Wisma Basement 1. Hers is a few shops away from my department. haha. How nice is that..

Well, that's all about it.. I'm enjoying life right now. My husband rules. Muackx.

++never be replaced++

2005-12-04T00:33:00.000-08:00

Hmmm.. Look at my blog. But don't believe the time and date. Cause it's like.. there's no way for me to alter them. So ya..

Anyway, I got the job where I went for the interview at Isetan. I'll be separated from Adilah.. sadly. But we're just about one or two buildings away. I should be working at Wisma. I'm not sure where yet. But they'll tell me where I'll be working at when I report. =) It's a great job offer. But there's only one off day which'll be on a week day. I just hope my honey won't feel neglected. That's all that matters. I love him.. and all I want is the best for him.

Well, I went down after eating and using the computer yesterday. Went down to find Xue Jun and Cindy and co. We played some bball. Just as I was about to go up, honey called me. I reached his place and he said he had to go somewhere first. I walked him off and met Xue Jun again. Ling Wei, Desmong and Mei Qi came along. Chatted quite a bit with them and found out certain stuffs.. oh whatever~!

We went to Chong Pang and played bball. It was pretty great and a little amazing how we could win certain games. yahh.. Honey came a while later. We played for a while more.. and he sent me off. Gawd do I love him. haha . muackx.

*woaini__

2005-12-02T20:13:00.000-08:00

Everything's back to square one. I'm back with him. I'm just over the moon. Haha.. Well, certain things happened. I'm gonna say just what happened.. to those who are interested. To those who aint.. you may just try skipping the next paragraph. =)

I'm gonna make it short for I may just rattle on and you guys are gonna get freaking bored. Well, actually.. truth is.. I never forgot him. My friends knew it but I always denied. Like.. I just wanted to hate him. So as to forget him. I tried many means and ways. I forced myself into the perspective that I darn hated him.. But I knew he was still in my heart. I never admitted it. Unltil.. a few days before.. when I was sort of unaware of what I was saying and stuffs. lol. I said everything that was in my heart. And well.. I guess.. it was just meant to be. I used to assume many things. And he did as well. But oh well.. Assumptions are a bunch of bullshit! All I know is that I've loved him since I-dunno-when and now, he's back. We're together again.. and this time.. it feels much better. Muackx. I love him.. lots..

Hmmm.. I'm now over at his house. His dad just bought "breakfast"for me. I ain't that hungry actually. But well, I'm gonna force it down my throat. haha. Well, it's for my own good anyway. I'd have gastric if I don't eat it. He's sleeping soundly. He was working night-shift yesterday.. so like ya.. I won't bother him.

I was like.. trying to find a job. Oh well, I wonder where I should work at. I wanna do sales.. if it is possible. Damn. My dad and mum are now in favour of me working. They used to decline my offer of sharing the burden with them.. for they felt I was still young and was not supposed to be stressed up over $$ issues. But well, I know it ain't easy for them. And now that I have the chance to support myself.. it makes me feel pretty good. I feel bad about taking their money all the time. It's not like.. they don't give me enough and all.. it's just that.. I feel bad spending their hard-earned money like nobody's business. It's time I feel the hardships they felt while working.

I love Pei Fen. She's such a great friend. And so is Kenneth. I've had conflicts with them before. But oh well.. What's past is past. What matters is the present as well as the future. As long as I feel happy now, it doesn't matter what happened before. I feel great being with them. And that is all that matters.

Oh well, life has never been better for me. I love my family. I love him. I love my friends. And I love his family as well. =) Life is just soo great. =)))

menses crampppppppp.

2005-11-28T20:22:00.000-08:00

I woke up and found out that I was in a state of severe pain. Urgh. Monthly cramps. I HATE IT.

Anyway, I went for the interview yesterday. Luckily for me all the way in the train, there was the PSP to accompany me.. haha. Thanks to Kenneth for lending it to me. I was like much earlier than both of my friends. Hmmm.. We were supposed to meet up at 2:15. As usual, I was early. I reached there at 2:10. One of them reached at 2:55 and the other at around 3:15. lol. I was really lucky I had the company of the PSP. lol. Well, the stupid thing was that.. there was practically no interview. We only filled up forms cause they said there were many people. Oh whatever. But well, Nasri said that we'll be called up again for sure.. for we were recommended. Well, I hope so.

Listening to "yong qi" now. Godd. I just love this song. haha. Never got tired of it.

Well, we hung out at Orchard for a while. I received phonecalls from Kenneth. Those two just made me damn worried. I couldn't just leave it that way. So well, I actually had to part with my friends and go all the way to Simei. I was supposed to accompany Adilah. But she said she didn't mind.. She's a great friend. Love her. haha..

Well, I entered the house and urgh.. It reeked of the smell. I just couldn't stand it. I went into the room.. They started talking to me, telling me lots of stuffs. I dunno.. Well, everything was better later.. I then left them some cigarettes to last through the night. Those idiots..... lol.

I had real bad migrane yesterday. Real bad. Ate medicine. Guess I had a little too much of it. lol. I threw up a while later and felt much better. Urgh. Disgusting. haha. Haishh. Now, I guess I have to take some more medicine. The pink panadol. lol.

ouhh. anyway, this is my 96th post. I didn't know I posted so much. lol.

2005-11-26T00:52:00.000-08:00

Late last night.. I was in a state of shock. Erm.. A person I've considered my best friend all this while.. whom always shared secrets with me.. no matter who we liked or whatever.. just told me his feelings towards me were more than just of friends. I was really shocked. I don't know what to say. I just never thought about it. Hmmm.. I wonder.. if it's just a joke.. or an infatuation on his side? But he's a great guy. Indeed.

Today was fun. I went out with my primary school mates again. Goshh. I just love them. I really really miss the times we've shared. I treasure every single one of them. All great people. No dislikes anywhere. Fun.

Went home feeling really tired. I was hogging on the phone last night.. so like.. I didn't exactly have enough sleep. I just bought a cup of noodles and ate it up. Delicious. At least it kept me full.

Erm. One of my godbros told me today that he wanted us to go beyond this relationship. Err.. I love him.. as a brother. Really. The way he dotes on me is just great. But it's no feeling of that sort.

I JUST LOVE MY PRIMARY SCHOOL FRIENDS. Can someone bring me back to primary school? lol. Friends is one thing that I treasure lots. Really. But well, some friends aren't that true. Those are just those you should let go of. It's not something I want. But that's the only choice. Nasri's mum is working as a department manager in Isetan. She might be offering me and Adilah a job there. Most probably in Mango. Being trilingual, I'm at an advantage. =) We'll see how. If I could get a job there, it will be splendid. =)

2005-11-25T01:44:00.000-08:00

Malaysia was fun indeed.. eating all the sushi and stuffs. Watching movies.. bleah bleah. I dyed my hair.. but the colour isn't really obvious. I want the kinda obvious colour.. but it came out to be kinda natural unless beneath sunlight. But well, I sorta like the colour anyway. So that's about it.

I went for Hari Raya just now and it was just great catching up with old friends. I chatted about lots of things with Adilah.. and she's a great nice girl. Really. I miss Farah and Yasmin a lot. I'm just so sad they can't be there. But it's fine. I'm meeting Farah out next week. YAY~! lol. Today was just fun. Love primary school life. REALLY.

M.Y. wanted me to be his dear. What should I say? I mean.. He's a great guy. Really.. But I don't think I love him. How? I can't lead him on can I? I won't. But I don't wanna hurt him either. Any way? goshh. I'm bad. haishh..

Kenneth is being locked at home. He asked me over. Godd.. I hell love his house. Beautiful and fun. I'll be going over.. when my freedom's back. Maybe next week? yahh. haha.

I'm looking for a job. Any lobangs? Please tell me. haha.

One more thing.. My friends.. They aren't true to me. I found out everything. And I'm totally disappointed. You never reflected on yourself when you talk about others. goshh. I dunno.. Guess I'm just gonna pull myself away. It isn't hard now that they're so close together. sheesh. I'm so disappointed. But I don't really mind. They only have themselves.. whereas I.. have many others. Bye to this friendship of ours. I know it isn't really safe to write it here.. but oh well.. it's MY BLOG.

2005-11-22T18:06:00.000-08:00

OMG. Seems like it's been long since I posted. Well, many things happened and I was just not in the mood to blog and stuffs. But well, I'm a happy being now. Exams are over. All the stress is gone, though I never really studied. I'm really nervous right now. Really. I mean.. of my results. I know myself too well. If I had studied, a JC should be in store for me. But right now, I don't even know if I can make it to Poly~! Haishh. What the hell. Forget about studies man. Holidays has come........

I'm going to Malaysia tomorrow. Having fun with Evelyn and Yuyu.. and maybe Lynette. Can't wait. We'll be splurging our asses out tomorrow and we're gonna have our hair dyed. Finally. I can't wait at all. Hmm. I know I've been bad. Not blogging these days. I'll try my best to blog okay? lol. Err.. I'll be in Malaysia for about 2 days.. so please.. don't miss me. =) Bye all.

2005-11-11T23:28:00.000-08:00

Lisa's pretty sad I couldn't make it today. Guess she wasn't exactly really happy. Wish I could be there for her at the South-East CDC thingy. Oh and ya.. I missed seeing those handsome peeps. lol. =X

Anyway, my dad switched my phone to another. haha. I would rebel if it were last time. But now, there's nothing to keep. I just deleted everything away anyway. Such great timing my dad had.

I'm disappointed in the two of you man. Seeing you guys.. haishh. You guys'll never know how a friend feels. KL ahh.. Aiyo. Damn disappointed in you. Didn't think YOU will. I thought you were the more sensible one. Oh well. Hope you meant it when you said it's gonna be over. For the other, I reckon.. when his mind is set on something, nothing else matters. I'm just freaking disappointed. Damn.

And Yang Yang.. haishh.. Don't be sad alright. I'm sure everything'll be fine. God bless your family. =) muackx.

Had a pretty fun time tonight. Played basketball.. was pretty fun. Cause it was challenging. And then, we were just so freaking bored.. we went to bang hard on other people's door and ran off. Oops. Do I sound like a bad girl now? Haha. Nahh. I'm still the same old girl. Don't assume I changed. Certain stuffs are not defined just by what you see. =) Oh well, it was just fun.

I'm a little sad that she doesn't tell me everything like before. To me, having a sister.. Sister as in.. You get what I mean.. Hmmm.. Well, to me.. it's a little like having a boyfriend? I don't know.. If we're just meant to be friends, so be it. Nevertheless, I'm still happy. Just a little disappointed? Haha.

I feel happy when you call. I like being with you. I like talking to you. I like your friends. I like your character. I like everything about you. But.. I just don't think it's love or something. I mean.. I just don't feel.. I dunno. I don't wish to be somebody's girl. The problem isn't with you. It's me. err. How am I to put it across to you that we remain friends? But you won't avoid me? Cause I dun wanna lose you.. But.. Oh gosh.. I'm contradicting myself. Lol. Let nature take its own course..

Damn. I hope he doesn't read this. haha. =X

I'M JUST HAPPY. (yet not exactly very. loll.)

Small messages:
Sorry lisa. I wish I could be there.
Jessica my lover.. where are you.. God do I miss ya.. lol.
Yuyu, Hope you'll be fine soon.
Evelyn. Bu yao hai pa. It's all fine.
The two peeps. Please.. haishh.
Yang Yang.. be happy please.
ME: STAY HOME LA. lol.

2005-11-10T22:46:00.000-08:00

The South-East CDC thingy was pretty okay. Made some friends today. Saw the Fashion Fiesta models today. Some are really good looking man. Eye-opening sight. Well, I don't know if I can still be present. Nvm.

Hmmm. I'm pretty much okay with life now. Nothing much. I just want to end this O levels and then work. That's all I'm looking forward to. Oh and ya.. Saw Peiling and Ruoling the other day. I just miss them. A lot. Real lots. I can't wait for exams to be over. Peiling has always been there for me, no matter what. Love her. And I miss Ruoling too. And Michelle. The fun times we've had.. The first time I went to KTV.. and all that. I'm gonna see them again. ASAP~!!

I need to get an A1 for my POA. I have to work hard for this man. And my A Maths.. I wanna get a B3. PLEASE. I need this.

Err. Relationships.. godd. I don't even wish to think about it. haha. Just thinking back gives me headaches. Sometimes, I doubted what I thought. Maybe, I was being stupid. But nvm..I'm fine with life now. Is it really important to have a boyfriend to be happy? I guess.. not exactly.. I'm still young. I don't even know if it's even time yet. Of course I'll wish for a great guy.. But, it's only when I really can't do anything else without being a person will I then get involved once again. Guys..... haha .

Heii all who are still taking exams, please work hard. To those who aren't.. be happy. To those with partners, hope you guys are happy ya? To others.. live life to the fullest. One more thing, to those who wish to flirt.. I guess it's best not to. You'll feel disappointed in yourself someday. A clean heart definitely will make you feel a lot better.

Ahhhh. Not in the mood to write. Guess all of you can see that in the way I type right? lol. Anyway, lesser and lesser people are tagging. Ehhh.. TAG LEH. lol.

2005-11-08T22:21:00.000-08:00

Well, I did have a bad birthday. It got better in the night. I met Mikal and Zhiming. We chatted and all. Later on.. I got a gift from god. A new friend who's such a great person. I got to know him a day before my birthday. It was real funny how we got to know each other. But he's a nice guy. At 11:57pm, he wished me happy birthday. lol. A new friend who made my day.

Hmmm. I'm trying to put the past to itself and try to really let go. I hope I'll succeed. This is the big challenge for me right now. I really wanna let go. Cause I'm really very tired of it. I just hope the person involved would give a direct signification to tell me what I exactly have to do. Sometimes, I am in a state of contradiction. I don't know.. I hope I can face up to this challenge. Well, we'll see what happens. It's never been his fault. Matters of the heart are always hard to explain.

Where my "sisters" are concerned, I'm feeling better. Because of exams, I seldom meet them these past few days. I wonder how it exactly is.. but well, we're as per normal these days.

Exams just suck. I really can't wait for O's to be over. I flunked almost all the papers I've taken. I'm thinking of taking Private O's next year. Well, I'll just see what happens.

Err.. He suddenly talked to me about matters of the heart. It's really not time for me to think about this kinda stuffs. I'm not considering to jump into any relationship at all. He's a real nice guy. He makes me feel better daily and all.. but.. err.. I've never thought about having a new relationship at all. It's just not time. But well, I'm pretty fine with life.. Just can't wait for O's to be over. =)

2005-11-06T16:42:00.000-08:00

Today's my birthday. I know what all of you are thinking. I should be like.. YAY. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY. I'm so happy. Blahh.. But that's not the case for me. haishh. I'm so sad. Never have I had a worse birthday ever. Tomorrow's my O levels so-called first paper. My bestest friend just told me my attitude is getting bad. My ex-boyfriend who gave me high hopes left me hanging again. My parents are mad at me.. and so is my sis. I'm at a state where.. I don't have anyone to turn to.. Or rather I don't wish to turn to anyone else, for the ones whom I love.. pretty much don't care about me. My birthday seems like a day of disaster to me. I've practically been crying the whole day and trying to study, yet nothing can get into my mind. I'm sick and tired of life. Sincerely. Is this what you call life? When everyone turns away from you, especially on your birthday? haishh. I'm just so tired.

I'm so sad that she.. actually left me out. I don't know. Perhaps, it's my fault. But I really have never had any bad feelings towards her or anything. I can't believe she talked about me behind my back. haishh. I'm just so sad.

Him.. He told me the sweetest words ever. He came back giving me such high hopes when I was about to forget everything about him. And now, he's left me hanging again.. whether to wait.. or not. What the fuck. I really don't know which words are true or not. He told me.. that I've changed as well.

God damn it. I've changed. You guys tell me. You guys are the most trusted people to me. Yet, instead of being frank and telling me.. it seems like you guys prefer to talk behind my back. I'm just so sad.. devastated. Godd.

I'm just so sorry if I hurt anyone.. but I didn't mean to. It seems like.. haishh. My life is torn. When it seems like it's all and all perfect, it suddenly breaks down. Be it.. my friends.. or my love life. It all sucks.

2005-11-05T01:09:00.000-08:00

Had a ton night yesterday. God was it fun. haha. Yuyu, Evelyn, Fooboon, Kenneth and me went up to a block near my house. We banged the windows vigorously and ran off. lol. Sincerely, I know it's kinda lame.. but if you were the one doing it, you'll know what is thrilling. We even sat and lied on the road and took photos. lol. However, our mood was spoilt by him. haishh. Whatever we told him, he told Fooboon and whatever Fooboon told him, he told us. Not only that, he likes to blurt out everything others say to whoever. And he loves to care so much about the things he don't have to. Just like what Yuyu said, "gai guan de jiu bu yao qu guan. bu gai guan de.. ta pian pian jiu shi yao guan." Godd. He spoilt all our moods. So rare than Evelyn can ton. So rare that we all could go out at that point of time and have real fun. He just had to spoil everything. haishh. Yuyu even got *athma attack because of him. She just got too pissed off. First time ever someone made her so pissed off. And the biggest reason is because he had to say MY deepest secret. I know Yuyu cares a lot about me and I'm thankful. She's always speaking up for me and all. And we never keep anything from one another. I hope our friendship'll last. I don't wanna lose her. Me, Yuyu and Evelyn shared certain stuffs yesterday. Sisters' trust. =)

Anyway, I was dead happy yesterday. I don't care that things didn't exactly go the way I want to. But.. haha. I was just happy whatever it is. Muackx. Nite all.

2005-11-03T23:54:00.000-08:00

It never started nor has it ended. haishh. I'm freaking upset about this matter. I really want to know. REALLY. haishh. Forget it. I don't even have the chance to ask. Don't wish to either.

Afraid about O's. Sure die.

2005-11-02T01:13:00.000-08:00

I shouldn't drag myself into something impossible like this. I know. Suan le.

2005-10-31T19:42:00.000-08:00

Sorry if any of my words might hurt anyone. But this is my blog.. I'm opened to say everything I want to.

I'm fucking confused. I want to.. I really want to believe everything you said. But I really don't know. After all these, how am I supposed to really believe you? A lot has been heard. You talk bad about me behind my back. I heard a lot. I really don't know whether to believe or not. Sometimes, I just get too involved with what they have to say. I know I might hurt you if I say my true feelings. But you have to understand what I undergo-ed as well. It wasn't easy for me you know? haishh. If right now, there can be a word called "trust", perhaps.. I might just..

Being loved might be a good feeling. But I don't want to lead anyone on. I guess I have to be direct to them. haishh. It hurts to hurt another.

However, another fairytale might just be popping out. In every fairytale, there's a twist. There sure is. hmmm. Well, maybe it'll not be a fairytale. It might be Romeo and Juliet. Or maybe, it might be about a young boy and girl, like Little Rascals. Whatever it is, let's just hope the ending is a happy one. (oops. not romeo and juliet that is..)

I'm real unhappy today.. upon knowing certain stuffs. Plus, someone just couldn't just be by my side when I needed that person. Oh and ya. My phone is not with me. ARGH. Sian.

2005-10-30T23:49:00.000-08:00

I'm too tired to write these days. Coming back pretty late and having very little time to do my stuffs. A lot of surprising things happened these days. Well, for people who care, overall rating.. I'm pretty happy with life. Having a true friend by your side is definitely the best that you can ask for. I talked to some friends today. Well, they actually brought to my mind that looks doesn't matter. I'm pretty concerned about my looks. Hahs. Low self-confidence. But well, I feel better now. And seriously, I've learnt how to take whatever negative stuffs others say about me a little more lightly. Goshh. I really don't know what to say. Err. Was talking to Ling Wei, Evelyn and Yuyu today. Well, we actually blurted out that we used to dislike each other. Everything was settled today. It's best to know someone real well before judging.

AHHH. Malay paper tomorrow. O Levels SUCK. I'm not even in the mood to study. But I promised Yuyu to start intensive study from tomorrow onwards. That's a MUST. =) Oh well. It's for the sake of my own future. I HAVE TO SCORE~!! lol. Wish me luck. ;)

2005-10-28T23:05:00.000-07:00

Goshh. I was too tired to write yesterday and seems like I am too in a rush to write today. But it's okay. I don't wish to forget what I did. I have some kinda short-term memory I guess. But not as bad as Yuyu maybe. lol. Well, I woke up yesterday and headed to Yuyu's house with Dexter. We ate and stuffs like that.. blah blah. Cheryl came a while later and we played bowling. It really was fun. We ate the cheese toast and it was heavenly delicious. Heard someone calling my name and I turned around to see Ek'e. We chatted for a while and then my dear Yong Qiang, Rong Mao and two other anonymous guys came over. We finished the game, said bye to them and left to Nee Soon. My dear Peifen was waiting there. Diiao. I'm feeling bored just writing what I've done. Very lame you know. I mean like.. you guys are reading what I did and blah blah.. sian ma? Anyway, I went to Mc later at night and hung around talking to people. It was fun having Yuyu to entertain us with her lame jokes. hahs. That's about yesterday. Goshh. I'm late already. Gonna make a police report later. hahs. ya. Regarding my I/C. I haven't done it man~! hahs. Later~!

2005-10-26T23:51:00.000-07:00

Haishh. I really don't understand how fucking lucky I can be. REAL "LUCKY". godd. I woke up early today to accompany Yuyu to get her hair done. Met Yi Xiang while waiting for her. Then Julian, Curtis and Elton came over. Once Yuyu was done, we met up with Peii Fen and went to 800+. There, bloodshed was seen. Goshh. Just a while later, a loud tight slap was heard. Sheesh.
The unlucky thing only happened later on. My wallet was stolen. Fine. I was careless. Godd. If only I could find that fucking guy. Forget it. It's over. I just shed a little tears and was fine. I just couldn't bear my I/C, my money( i just fucking got my money~!! ) and.. my photos. haishh. All is gone. Everything. Even the love-shaped thing my xiao di did for me. Whatever. Sometimes, you just have to let go. haishh.

Well, other than that, we were basically trying to look for fun without fun. Yuyu actually talked to someone whom we don't know. lol. It was real funny seeing them talk like that. Turned out the guy knew who I was. hahs. It was just so hilarious looking at the situation. Cheryl and Curtis were like laughing their asses out as well. But it's fun. Wei Chang sort of consoled me about my lost phone.. yahh.. And Zhiming as well. Well, it's over. Forget it. Before heading home, saw an old friend. Dexter. It's been pretty long since we talked. Yupp.

On the way home, I was like.. thinking how to tell my dad about it. I actually intended not to tell him anything. But well, I can't do so. I knew I had to tell him. In the end, the talk turned out great. He actually told me about how he lost his too last time. He did a new one just to find out that his old one was kept under his drawer. -_- hahs. Well, he just told me to make a report and see how it goes. How great is my dad. So understanding. Love him man. I love you dad. Muackx. Nitez. And my friends are great. Yuyu offered to actually treat me to however extent she could and the guys also asked me if I wanted a drink and stuffs like that. I'm grateful. I swear I won't ever be stingy once I have money. I've never been stingy to them anyway. hahs. But they're really nice. It's great to have them when I lost my stuffs. Otherwise, I really don't know how I could ever cope with it. I'm just sad that I can't buy the stuffs I want. But well, money can always be earned. And I/C.. can be done once again. But the next time, I'll laminate a photocopied one. hahs. ouhh alright. Good nite.

2005-10-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

I really don't understand certain things. Hmmm. It's not like I'm pestering him asking him to come back to me. No, in fact I'm already settled down with the fact that we aren't together anymore. I'm getting real used to this single life. But.. he chose to avoid me. It's okay. Perhaps, he has his reasons. Lame.

Anyway, I shed tears today again. Not because of any guy, but because of what a girl said. Sheesh. I'm just pissed off with these stuffs. It'll end, I'm sure.. real soon. I hate people who can't think man. But upon confronting her, I felt that she was quite pitiful. So, yah. There's many more problems waiting for her. So I guess I should let her be, though I was gonna get outta control. Forget it.

I had real fun today. Played bowling with Yuyu, Yi Xiang, Curtis, Julian, Pei Fen and Cheryl. Very fun. We went to play some other stuffs as well. I won the bowling game today. Damn fun. lol. I'm just happy being with friends all around. Goshh. I'm getting bored of writing already. And actually, I'm now on the phone. Update again ok? Nitez.

2005-10-25T11:00:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. I on my computer and I saw 3 new mails. Err. Saw that his blog was updated. Errr. i didn't know what he meant by nothing happened. But well, he's someone else's. I can't possibly write about another girl's boyfriend in my blog right? Hmmm. Peifen's here by my side. I'm going out to meet Yuyu already. Bye people. I'll update.

2005-10-24T19:25:00.000-07:00

Life is definitely great with friends. Ling Kai was at my block waiting when I was still changing. haha. We then set off to school for POA. Was sort of no use to me as I understood that chapter well. So ya.. We then had breakfast before I headed to Yuyu's place. We went out and played bowling again. This time big improvements. There were a few strikes~!! Great man. We really had fun and it was pretty cheap as it's a weekday. We met my dear Pei Fen, Julian, Jia Hao, Elton, Eugenia.. aiya.. blah blah blah. So ya.. They were being screened by police. How unlucky was that. Sadly, two of them were brought to the police station. But nothing much happened.. So ya. We went to Nee Soon CC. A lot of crap happened there. Haha~ Was pretty fun with all those lame jokes and "breast enhancement" thingy. I just had lots of fun today.

I love my friends. lots . =)

2005-10-23T20:56:00.000-07:00

Everything's not as bad as it seems. Actually, I somehow love life right now. Just a little concerns. Like I said, I'll just need to cry it all out before I get all well once again. Today is a pretty fun day, though it was just the two of us. Me and Yuyu. Zhiming treated me today. Thanks. lol. I met Yuyu later on and sat at Starbucks studying for a while. We then went to Safra to have a few games of pool before heading for bowling. Godd, at first at bowling, we sorta made a fool of ourselves.. but we ended up playing pretty professionally. It was real fun man. Went to Chong Pang afterwards as Alton said he was there. Li Lian's birthday today~! lol. I wished her and hugged her. She seemed happy so it was good. We sat for a while before I headed home. It might seem simple to you, but I sort of had fun today. Guess there were some misunderstandings again today at Chong Pang. Seems like it's just neverending. Scary. Luckily, no fight occurred. Yupp. I love my friends. If not for them, life would have been just like a piece of blank white paper. =)

2005-10-23T00:31:00.000-07:00

my life is torn. thanks to those people i've never even seen before in my life. maybe even thanks to me. or is it thanks to my mum and dad? or is it thanks to how the world have become?

i don't give a damn about the world anymore. today was actually a good day till around 11pm just now, thanks to those idiots. i hate them. without even knowing who they are. i wanna kill them or maybe.. i wanna kill myself.

ending life is easy.. but i have no guts to do so. urgghh.

i can't sleep. i'm still sick. i thought i'll be better today. but no, i just got worse. my eyes are all red, for nothing. i wonder why. godd. i hate life. i've let my family and friends who care down. i hate myself.

MY LIFE IS TORN!!! urghhh. the once so-called pessimist has turned into a person who doesn't even know how to appreciate life. what the fuck. fuck this whole world.

2005-10-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

Woke up at around 8+ today to see that Yuyu was awake as well. We got dressed and set off to school. Was such a coincidence to see Yi Xiang, En Rui and Alton/Elton(i wonder how u spell his name) as well. Graduation ceremony was.. boring, other than Mikal and Kai Xiang's jokes.. lol. It was pretty hilarious. Quite fun. My results sort of suck as well. Was supposed to witness some show after school but it was postponed. hah. I just can't wait to see some bitch getting a big dressing down.

Life for me is fine these days. I can manage. Guess I'm still trying to get used to my dead plant. But well, the plant is dead. I can do nothing about it. I won't buy a new plant for now. Cause I guess I'll still be wondering how the old one is. lol. Crap larh. All crap.

Anyway, having some kinda training tomorrow. At 10am. goshh. I'm gonna be so tired. After which, I'll be going to a Fashion Fiesta at Paya Lebar. I hope it'll be a fun day for me. yupp. Guess that's about it. Goshh. Having sore throat really suck. I hate it. And I'm so not feeling well. It all just suck. Hopefully, I'll be much better tomorrow. I BET SO~! heesh. Later~!

2005-10-20T22:31:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. Was at school today to take the practical exam. hmmm. ok larhh. I can't say I did well cause I didn't exactly get everything correct. But it was okay. I didn't flunk it or anything and I am quite sure that I can pass it. So ya.. Hmmm. After that we sort of had to like.. waste our time in the hall. We started off playing some lame stupid games.. yahh. Then I chatted with Ah Hui.. Then Yuyu and Xinying. Hmm.. Got to know from Xinni that Curtis was in hospital~!! What the hell. I was soo shocked. He was like.. still fine the day before.. And now they tell me he's in the hospital?? hmmm. Well, I was with Yuyu.. So we walked over to her place. While walking.. hmmm.. Saw him. With a girl. Err.. I couldn't see clearly. I didn't even know it was him. But my friend's eyesight was great. She saw. So yupp. haha~.. Well, nothing much. I didn't really care also larh. Just hope he's happy with that girl........

Went to hospital to see Curtis. He looked sort of weak. Wonder why his gf wasn't there. Well, maybe she was busy with her stuffs. hmmm. We had some kinda fun chatting around and being lame with them. Them, as in En Rui and gang. yahh. Peii Fen was there too. Just as the clock striked 8, we all left. He's all lonely once again. lol. Well, I said bye Curtis and there was a girl there who said.. "bye tortoise".. lol. All of us were like laughing out loud man. We then went back. I accompanied Yuyu back home.. And here she is.. spending the night with me. =) so happie. lol. Hmmm. Nothing much to say.

I just saw in my e-mail that his blog has been updated. I took a look and he did mention me. Saying sorry. Suan le. It ain't his fault anyway. The very point that he actually even cared to mention me is enough. Forget it. Whatever he does now, he's just my friend. Even if I choose to care, it'll just be as a friend. Yupp. take care guys. Nite.. I'm gonna talk to Yuyu. =p

2005-10-19T23:07:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. Was out with Lisa today. err. Can't think of what to say also. I parted with her and went to Funland to find kor. Saw my ex's brothers. "******* stead" Then I was like.. I'm not his girlfriend. Then they asked if we broke up. I said ya. Well, they asked what happened. I didn't care la. I just said it was my fault. So ya. I then received a call from xiao mei. I was just so worried about her. Wonder what happened. I quickly took a cab down. Was such a trouble to settle the whole problem. Once it was all over, it was a relief. I just love her. Don't wish for anything untoward happening to her. Yupp. Went to Northpoint with some friends before meeting Ian. He then sent me home afterwards. Nice guy. I was feeling real bad just now. I'm still sick and I was suffering a real bad headache while walking home. I was about to puke man. Then I hurt my ankle. URGHHHH. Sickening. Ian had to like piggy back me. AHHH. I felt so stupid. Upon reaching home, godd it feels great. Sorry to trouble you man.

Actually, today's entry is supposed to be long. Cos I have lotsa feelings to share. About my xiao mei.. And about me as well. But my headache is killing me. haishh. I'm gonna get some sleep. I wonder if tmr's practical exam will be easy. O levels~!!! It's something big man. Whatever~ Okayy. I'm gonna sleep. Headaches just suck. ARGHHH.

2005-10-18T19:18:00.000-07:00

Okay. I'm done with everything I have to know. lol. I guessed correctly. At first I thought I was wrong to have maligned him of liking another girl. Guess what? He did like that girl. THAT girl. Just the one I thought of. I saw her the other day and the bad feeling was already there. So I wasn't wrong of suspecting anything at all. I asked his friend before, who that girl was. He said she was his friend's gf. So i thought i was thinking too much. But it all happened. Well, I know it happened only after we broke up. So you might say it ain't his fault. Uhuhh. Well, I guess there really is never any right or wrong in love. Perhaps. Whatever. Everything's over. OVER. Gai fang xia de jiu ying gai fang xia. Wo ke yi de~! First time. Godd.

2005-10-18T16:55:00.000-07:00

Hei guys. I'll try to start blogging as per how I used to. I'll try my very best. I promise. Heesh. Life is alright for me right now as long as I don't see certain stuffs. (esp. ice-kacang) sheesh. lol. I'm fine with what life has in store for me. Listening to the song "carols" by Ayumi Hamasaki now. Fell in love with the song the first time I heard it. Having the chance to hear it once again really feels great.

haishh. I'm sick. Been sleeping in class for the past two days already. It's only now that I can confirm that I am sick and not only tired. I didn't even know my teacher called my name in class today. Oh who cares. It's just the headache that I hate. It's not allowing me to go out and meet my friends. Being at home is just so boring. I'll be forcing myself to sleep in a while. Oh and ya. New York Pizza is nice. lol.

Hmm. Should be going out tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll be fine tomorrow. Damn. I guess I'll stop blogging already. My head is feeling very heavy right now.

ni yao guo de hao. aiya. I know you will. sheesh. what am i thinking man. *slaps myself*

2005-10-17T19:42:00.000-07:00

Everyone's hoping I'll go to him. He's a great guy. I know it. No one could possibly treat me as well as he can. He's always behind me no matter what other people said. Whatever wrong things I've done.. he's still right behind me. haishh. But I can't help it.. I'm no longer one who can just lose feelings for a guy so quickly. Well, I'm sure I can give up on my ex. I'm perfectly sure. It's just that.. it's not as easy as it seems. Hmmm.

Well, I talked to him today but he just snubbed me. lol. And I thought we agreed to just remain as friends. I've got nothing to say at all. It's okay. I'm so fine. I have to be. For all my friends. I have to solve their problems as well. I'll help as much as I can.

xi wang ni gen ta hui hen xin fu.

2005-10-17T00:43:00.000-07:00

Had some kind of fun tonight. Love all my friends. Reached home to see some unexpected stuffs. But well, I was prepared to see this kind of news anyway. It's expected. haha. It's nothing wrong. I'm happy the way life is. I don't wish to care anymore. Life rocks. ROCKS!

haishh.

=)

2005-10-16T17:50:00.000-07:00

Many things happened today. My hair. Is different already. Not used to it. And I definitely hope my dear friend Lisa is fine.

Gastric man. Very bad.

I'm doing something I'm not supposed to. I know it very well. It'll stop. haha.

Sorry people. I can't help thinking about..err.. nvm. haishh. What a failure I am. I know it's never gonna happen. Let go.

Well, I really dunno how to express myself any further. I can no longer find words to speak out my mind. And my heart. I'll be back to norm soon. I suppose.. wait for me alright. =)

2005-10-16T02:34:00.000-07:00

haishh.
sad.
dunno what to say man.

i just know. i can't let go.

haishh. ;'(

2005-10-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

I woke up blur. I then started to recall what happened before I got to sleep. hmmm. I was just wondering if it were a dream. Well, I know it wasn't. I got up to bathe and I kept on telling myself I have to be strong. Yup. I did it. For a few hours.

Met Lixian and Joelin at OCBC at around 8. Went to 925 and then to 211. Joelin stayed around there you see. Xinni and Peifen came not long later. I lied on Joelin's lap and fell asleep. When I woke up, I couldn't smile anymore. I couldn't force myself to act as if I were happy. I broke down. Some things happened. All my fault. I know.. it has all been my fault.

After that, I just had to face another problem. I really felt soo.. so down. Sincerely, I can find no words which can adequately express the sorrow in me. Damn. Never felt this way before. But well, I'm so damn glad to have my friends and mei around. They haven't made me happy. But at least they made me better. I know it's my fault. I can do nothing about it now I guess..

If only I were given a second chance. But, sincerely, if I were the other party, I guess I won't. So.. I don't blame anyone.. except me, myself and I.

I tried to do other stuffs to get my mind from everything. However, once I take a seat, I kept on thinking. I still can't accept the truth. really. Whenever I just finished doing my stuffs, I would take my phone out and look at it. I was about to SMS when I realised what I was doing. I mean.. what the hell.. I still think that.. haishh. I just can't accept the fact. really.

To you. yes, YOU. hmmm. Dare to do whatever you want. Don't think too much about what others think or you may never succeed in life. All the best okay? From then till now, this has been an obstacle for you. Well, overcome it. I'm sure you can. And I hope your exams.. well.. you get good results. =)

It's all my fault. It has always been.

I'm still waiting for a day. When I really will be worthy of him.. But I guess.. the day will be somewhere around...

NEVER.

2005-10-12T10:26:00.000-07:00

vexed .
you're making me guess too much .
tell me everything .
things would be misunderstood .
you don't seem to care .

li xian, i love you .

friends are essential in life .

i'm hoping you'd call.. telling me that whatever i'm thinking is rubbish. i've been consoling myself a little too much. tell me that i'm not consoling myself. tell me. just tell me everything u feel. sincerely. if it's negative, then be it. at least i know. i don't wanna go on guessing.

or maybe.. nahh~ nvm. forget it. i'll update larh . i'm just so sick. haha.

anyway, pei fen . i'm angry . with u guys. nvm .

2005-10-11T23:11:00.000-07:00

No matter what happens, you're always on my mind. Muackx.

Loving you .. always ..

yi zhi deng zhe ni da lai. hao xiang ni. mei tian zhi xi wang neng gou kan dao ni. woaini.

ouhh happy day..

2005-10-10T19:25:00.000-07:00

Well, things are not as bad as it seems. Yesterday.. When I woke up in the morning, I already felt terrible. It was all a mess. Receiving another bad news from my mum.. makes it depressing. I was like.. damn depressed. Damn stressed. I wanted to get my mind off everything.. inlcuding exams. But when I try to do so, it gets worse. More things were on my mind. I just needed some time out.

I've got friends who are really caring. Thanks lots. I was pulled to go to the doctor's. Well, it was closed. I didn't wanna go anyway. So we ended up trying out New York Pizza. Yum. Simply delicious. =) Well, we sat at McDonalds for a while while deciding where to go. I was in very low spirits. So, I.. I dunno. Well, she suggested Chong Pang. So we went over. I saw him there. I just didn't know how to face him. Guess he didn't see me. For I quickly walked off. I really felt like talking to him.. but I just didn't know how to start. And I was afraid he was still angry.

I was trying to shift my mind off things by playing bball. Was at 139 playing when he came. He sat with his friends while I played. Just after the game, I sat on the bench there. Looked at him and saw him looking back. Hmmm. He didn't seem mad at me. He didn't turn away or whatsoever. But he didn't smile either. (well, i can't expect him to be smiling rite?? lol.) He was with his friends, so I didn't go over.. When I was playing a while later, he left with his friends. My heart dropped. But well, I thought .. I couldn't expect much. It was my fault after all.

Never did I think that my honey wasn't that petty after all. He came back alone and I walked over. He asked if I was ready to leave and accompany him. I was like..of course~! lol. happy~! lol. Then I asked him if he was still angry.. And he said.. No. Great. lol. However, he said something which made me a little upset and suspicious. But.. a word from him makes me assured. I know he means it.

Was very happy when I was home yesterday. He made me happy. He definitely did. muackx.

School today was.. okay. Nothing much. I left early cause I really couldn't stand being in class any longer. So ya. Met Xinni and my dear mei at Chong Pang Mc. They were supposed to study. But we ended up playing instead. lol. Pretty fun day we had. I saw honey walk past and he smiled. Was happy to have seen him. His exams are on. All the best. Study hard. I won't bother you. But I definitely will miss you.

Arggh.. Dewi. You'll always be dear to me. lol. All the best to you dear. lol.

Anyway, to some of my friends close to me. I know.. I've been giving some kinda attitudes lately. I wonder why too. But well, I never wanted to do so. I'll change. Need you guys' cooperation though. =) love you guys. love honey.

LOTS.

haishh .

2005-10-09T12:37:00.000-07:00

.at the verge of breaking down.

Sorry dad.. I came into the world without a beautiful face. I know how much I've troubled you and mum. But forget it. I won't hope for one anymore..

Sorry honey.. Such that I always make you upset and down no matter how much I try to prevent it. I can't face you.. I don't know how to..

Sorry friends.. For I can't be so understanding to all your needs..

Sorry to all those who had smoked because of me.. Truth is, I ain't angry. I'm guilty. Joey, stop saying sorry.

Sorry to all my teachers, family and friends who have high expectations of me to score well. I can't do it.

Sorry to those who asked for my help.. Yet I can do nothing. I'm useless.

I'm useless. Everytime I try to think to help someone, migraine. And everytime I want to help, it seems like.. my problems arise as well. I never got the chance to tell anyone. And I don't want to either. For I know.. it'll trouble you guys as well. I.. I just need some time.. For what.. I don't know.

Honey.. I'm very very sorry. I hope I'll be forgiven. I can't face you. Sorry.

2005-10-06T23:25:00.000-07:00

Well, honey msg-ed me when I was at Northpoint with Xinni looking for a present yesterday. He told me he was somewhere near my house. I was like.. Huhh? He didn't tell me anything before he came. Well, I forgot about the present, skipped dinner, bought some bread and bubble tea and took a cab down to meet him. Was sooo glad to see him. I missed him sooo badly. We chatted and all and then went to find Xinni before heading to 100+. We had a little bit of fun before heading home.

Went to see my discipline master this morning and surprisingly, nothing happened. -_-" And it actually set me thinking so much. haishh. My friends and family are always telling me to stop worrying unnecessarily. Ya ya. I'm trying hard. I'm gonna release stress in every way I can. I really have to start making myself at ease all the time. So, first of all, to all my friends reading this.. help make me happy without worries okay. I hate migraine. It hurts badly. haishh. I'll try to not think too much. heesh. Now having migraine, gastric as well as cramp. It sucks man. haha. Guess I'm gonna eat soon. I only had breakfast today. lol. No appetite man.

School today was.. nothing. Nothing much happened. Time sort of passed pretty fast. I left school at 1:15pm. Headed to Xinni's place and went out. Met honey later on.. He seemed tired. He wasn't the happy noisy side of him. He was pretty quiet today. He told me to call his house when I reached home. I was like.. Hmmm.. What's up? When I asked him later on, he just mentioned.. "no la. just want to know that u're safe and sound back home.." awww.. So sweet of him. muackx.

I love honey. Well, we've not been together for very long. I might not understand him thoroughly or trust him fully. That goes for him as well. But I know.. My feelings for him are true. And I really hope the same from him. He does shower me with love and care, of course.. Whenever I see him, it makes my heart skip a beat and this sort of soothing feeling comes after. I dunno. I mean.. all I need is to see him, and my day is complete. I don't know if there's anything we disagree about or so.. But I know.. I don't want him to change in any way. Love is about accepting the person the way he or she is.. And I love everything about him. muackx. love u honey. Can't wait to see you tmr. =)

fucked up.

2005-10-05T17:23:00.000-07:00

I just received a phonecall from Mr Lee. Fuck. I really am fucking pissed. It isn't my fault. And now the fucking Discipline Master wants to see me. FUCK ALL la. FUCK SCHOOL.

haishh .

2005-10-05T15:10:00.000-07:00

Lynette returned my testimonial.. mentioning that she'd be strong. I'll be right behind you Lynette. And I'm glad she's got Gary by her side. I hope he means what he said. Anyway, before I went to sleep yesterday.. that was around midnight, friendster showed 22 people viewed my profile. I logged in again at around 1pm.. and 82 people has viewed me. Woahh.. So many owl friends I have. lol.

I thought it was the alarm to get up. I looked at my phone for a second. It wrote "honey's hm". I guess I forgot about all the anger and wait. I was still very blur when I answered the phonecall. I can't remember vividly what I said and all. But well, I knew he'd read my blog. haha. I remembered him saying something like.. "it's not 3am yet.." or something like that. Well, the point that he called made me feel better. But I haven't heard his explaination. If he even had one that is. lol. Missing him lots right now. Honey.. call me.

I'm worried about him. I did not even get the chance to wish him luck for today's paper. haiishh.. Hope it's easy for him. hmmm. I'm sure AG has went to find him or something. I wonder what's gonna happen and all. Just hope he'd call to just say, "everything's fine. don't worry."

I got back all my results already. Can't face my parents. I know they won't mind or anything. But I just sorta feel I've let them down. haishh. Hidayah, wake up. You've got to start studying. O levels is just around the corner. No time to slack around anymore. Study~!

2005-10-05T15:04:00.000-07:00

xinni's work of art. lol. nice?

xinni took me. lol. i look funny.

we were waiting. for nothing.

2005-10-04T23:46:00.000-07:00

Well, continued from yesterday's entry.. My mum came back at around 9+ and I told her to get my PUK thingy done. Once I on my hp, "private no. calling". OMG. He's been calling me non-stop from just now, using a public phone~!! How sweet of him. He's been waiting for me around my block. So sweet. I was like.. so touched. =) love u honey.

A very heartfelt entry by Lynette. My eyes went teary upon reading it. Her brother has actually passed away in an accident. Sadly.. He was born with imperfections.. and he's a real nice guy. Had to leave so early. haishh. I really can't imagine how she's feeling right now. I hope she can pull it off. She's having her N levels now. I hope she'll do her best. Lynette, I really hope I can make you feel better.. but I suck at consoling and all. And besides, haishh.. I know nothing I say can help. But I know how strong you are. I believe you'll make it. Reading your entry.. I'm really touched.

I'm having migrane. haishh. Real shittie. I didn't go to school this morning. And when I woke up, I realised I'm having my monthly thing. My tummy hurts man. haishh. Can't stand it. But well, I was trying to bear with it. My mood sucks as well. Imagine yourself unwell.. plus this. OMG. It just sucks.

As if this is not enough..
Well, I caught him on MSN this afternoon. We chatted and stuffs and he mentioned he was going to Marina Bay for steamboat. We chatted for a while and then I wanted to have my so-called breakfast. He was also about to go out anyway. I told him to call me.. and he said okay. It's 11:43pm now. And I haven't received any phone call at all~!! I'm pissed. I don't care what time it is.. Even if it's 3am in the morning. I just hope he'd at least call. Okayy.. Even if he's busy or what.. Calling for just a minute will kill? haishh. But then again.. Maybe.. (and i'm hoping this is true).. maybe he have his reasons. bleah.

I need to get some sleep. Haishh.. Migrane. Sucks. Cramp. Sucks. And I think I'm feeling gastric as well.. Ya. haishh. I'd better get some sleep. Nitez all. Hoping to feel better tomorrow.

sway sway sway ahh.

2005-10-03T19:12:00.000-07:00

I was awoken by noises. I quickly rushed to the room beside ours to see what was happening. My grandma was in great pain. She's been vomitting and even pass motioning for like over 20 times from 1am till 5+am non-stop. I wonder what was hesitating my parents but at last, at about 5 am, they called the ambulance to bring her to the hospital. I was holding back my tears. Really. At home, I'm considered the strongest one already. I can never afford to show that I am weak in any way. I dunno.. I mean.. I never thought my grandma meant that much to me in any way. However, seeing her that way.. I really don't know what came over me. Maybe, I ain't that heartless after all. I do love her. Haishh. She was moaning in pain. My dad looked really upset and two of my aunts were shedding tears. Seeing the kind of situation.. I dunno. I'm pretty useless in ever doing anything. I would definitely wanna do stuffs, but I can never manage to bring myself to do so. haishh. Well, I just hope everything goes well.

I got changed after she was sent to the hospital and got out pretty early. I met Xinni at Chong Pang and looked for a bakery which was already opened at that time. Hmmm. None. We then went to 7-eleven first. Errr.. I was looking for a drink which is delicious but contains no sugar. I really searched, but it didn't help. Xinni told me that every drink.. no matter what, will surely contain sugar. I then ended up buying milk. I bought some sweets and I hope it's enough for him to last for the whole day. I know it's too sweet and it ain't that good. But it beats seeing him keep to his bad habit. Oh well. Waited for a bakery to be opened and I bought 2 bread. I ate one.. and yumm.. it was delicious man. heesh. School started and I tried to find him but he was nowhere to be found. So I just left the stuffs on his table.

I was practically writing on my table through lessons. lol. History sucks. SS sucks. Maths sucks. English sucks. Physics sucks. Well, these are the few results I got today. Nothing more than B4 for all. Well, I can't blame anyone except for myself. I didn't even study. All I have to say is.. at the very least, I passed. So be it. It sucked.

And ya. Fuck it. My migrane was acting up again today. Very badly. Damn it. Errr.. Or maybe it isn't migrane. Couldn't be headache. Godd, guess I need to consult a doctor. But I'm afraid.. afraid of the outcome. Forget it.

Was happy to see him somewhere near my class. He said he'll call me. Err.. My SimCard is fucking blocked. And I was just to happy to see him I forgot to ask if he was holding on to his mum's phone. Seems like he wasn't. I SMS-ed him to call Xinni's phone. But I guess he didn't receive the message. I even tried calling the number.. but to no avail. Nvm. Err.. Hope he'll find a way to contact me. Waited for him after school. He told me he'd be going for his Geography extra lesson.. But he didn't. haiyo.

shagged.

2005-10-02T23:47:00.000-07:00

Woke up today and grabbed the phone to msg Xinni. She was here and I was still in bed. lol. We watched another korean series. OMG. Freaking sad story. I was practically shedding tears all the way. Xinni told me I cried till my whole face was red. lol. Hmmm.. We went out to have fun later on. And anyway, I'm worried. Hope nothing bad happens. I wanna live life to the fullest.

Reached home today to see some unfamiliar slippers at my doorstep. I was wondering who.. I stepped in and saw my beloved aunt. She said.. I've changed. As in my looks. Guess what she said? "I think.. you're darker.. And something.. Hmmm.. Well, maybe it's your hairstyle.. err.. I dunno.." I was like.. "*laughs* alright. let's just face it. i'm fatter already.. i know." And well, that's like about it. She's just so proud that her niece can be so fluent in her mandarin. lol. She told me to take up learning how to write in Chinese. My dad was agreeable. I am just wondering where to find time. Oh well..

Got to MSN and chatted with Xinni plus Honey. Heesh. Hold on. I just noticed my girl friends who are with me these days.. all their names contain an I.

Hidayah
Xinni
Lixian
Huilin
Shihui
Peifen

Funny ehh. Anyway, back to the topic.. Hmm. Was chatting with Xinni. I'm just so frustated by the way she's treated. I just hope for justice to be done. Don't think too much ya girl? Don't worry too much too. All will be well. =)

Received a testimonial from my darling sister Peifen today. So sweet of her.. I never thought I meant so much to her. And ya.. I'm starting to miss the days we've had. Definitely gonna catch up with her. heesh. muackx.

Honey never fails to make me smile.. Though he doesn't often smile. heesh. I don't know how to express this kind of feeling but I feel so overwhelmed to be loved by him. I love him a lot. I don't wish for anything untoward to be brought upon him. I sit at home wishing everything will go well for him. Really really blissful. muackx.

love him.

2005-10-02T06:38:00.000-07:00

Woke up damn early today. Well, I called Xinni after having my breakfast and then we met to go out. But then it started raining, making us hesitant to go. I was supposed to buy my pants today but I guess that'll have to be postponed. Played lots of Photohunt today. And my darling sister, Peii Fen called me today. Met her for a while and watched her and Xinni play bball. Xinni told me something today. I already guessed it wasn't as simple as that. lol.

Met honey for lunch. He left in a while.. he's got something to attend to. He came back to meet me later.. My heart ached seeing him like that. But I couldn't do or say anything. Haishh. I don't know. Hope all these will stop. But I know it's far from possible. Saw Lixian today. lol. =) I've nothing much to say actually. Now still not sleepy I wonder why..

Anyway, honey said something real touching just now. I could feel it was from the bottom of his heart. I couldn't resist the tears flowing. I love you honey. muackx.

2005-10-01T00:34:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. I just read Xinni's blog. She said she's sort of in the same boat as me; eating a lot and getting fat. Funny. lol. To me, she's eating okay(other than the ice-cream and stuffs i feed her almost daily. lol.). And she's not getting fat, even her sister said she looks thinner. Haha. Different for me. I put on my jeans today. It's usually worn on my hips, real low till it can't be brought down any further. lol. But today, darn. I was forcing in on me. I really have grown fatter. I'm dead man. Heii. I've been good already man. I've cut down on chocolates okay? Oh god. I really can't take it anymore man. I'm getting sick. I'm YEARNING for some chocolate right now. But don't worry. I can resist it. lol. I guess I have to cut down on meat and rice, cause I consume excess of those. Darn. I've started eating vegetables, so perhaps I should eat more of those. lol. Oh whatever.

I was awoken by my darling girl calling me this morning to tell me she's here. We watched the Korean movie till it ended like from 10+am till about 6+pm. The show was nice all the way.. except for the ending. WHAT THE HELL. The ending sucks man. It's like.. there's no ending at all. Left me hanging. I was like.. thinking a lot man. Whatever. I just hoped the ending was her ending up with one of them, with the other finding his true love in another. Well, I always expect a happy ending for all you see, though most of these movies end up with sad endings. However, this one is a happy ending.. Or shall I say.. happy.. without a proper ending? Urgh.. Be it.

Met honey just now. Accompanied him home to have his dinner. We played photohunt with his sister on the computer. We found some pretty entertaining. Not bad. His sister looks sooo like him. Almost copy and paste. lol. She's pretty. His mum was unwell again today.. but she got better afterwards. I finally got him to settle down and study. Completed five topics today. Not bad huhh? He's a pretty fast learner. Clever guy. But lazy. Hmpf. And his dad.. told me something really cute in malay.. Guess it can't be revealed. Lol. He's such a joker.

Haishhh. Saw him really down today. I felt so.. erm.. I just don't know how to explain the kind of feeling. It's like.. my heart dropped and I hope there's anything I could do to make him feel better. I hope to say many things to him, to make him feel better. But all I could do was look at him.. Haishh. I felt so hopeless. Useless. I just.. told him not to think so much and hugged him. I just hope he'll forget about all the unhappiness. Yeahh.. He smiled later on. I was so HAPPY~! Once he smiled, I became the me again. The noisy, always-smiling one. lol. I love you honey. Just hope you'll be happy always. I hate it when I see you sad. But I definitely'd love to share any of your despairs. Telling me would make you better, and even though I might be troubled by your troubles as well, it makes me feel better than looking at you suffering everything alone. You know? Muack.

My dad was a little unhappy. He doesn't like me coming back home late frequently. Guess I'll try and come back earlier next time. Anyway, it's confirmed I have migrane(if this is the spelling). Oh well. Guess what my dad told me? He just said I needed more sleep and also that I can't handle any kind of stress. True? I wonderr. Alright. Till here. I need to rest. Oh and ya.. Xinni, JS is not right. I don't get tired of blogging. And I don't have any less to write. Lol. A blog is where I pour out my feelings and stuffs that happen so as not to forget them. These happen daily. Your thoughts are abundant. So, you'll never have nothing to write ya know? Maybe, you're not used to saying almost all that you're thinking. I dunno. lol. Nites gurl. Muack.

i'm fat le. =(

2005-09-29T23:58:00.000-07:00

Well, after making the entry yesterday, I fell asleep. Know what.. I actually slept till about 8+pm. Well, you can't blame me.. I didn't have enough sleep the night before. And ya.. I'm eating a lot these days man. And I'm getting fat already. You guys say no.. But it's just that you guys don't notice. I do. Some people sure do. Urgh. I gotta start exercising. Damn. Anyway, Honey called at night.. And then came to meet me.

Forced myself to get out of bed today. I was freaking exhausted man. I barely slept. Forced myself to go through the examinations today. Sort of slept through A. Maths paper. I wasn't really sure how to go about doing it.. So I just gave up. I was a little reluctant to go home after the exams today though fatigue was overcoming me. I accompanied Xinni and Lixian before heading home. I didn't know Honey didn't turn up for school today. His friend actually told me he had dengue fever. I was like.. "How can it be??" I mean.. I just saw him a few hours back. Couldn't be. NO. Actually, I'm best at thinking far. I was like.. What on earth happened to him man? Was worried sick. Tried calling his house but it was to no avail. I just couldn't reach him. I started to think of the many possibilities. And then I thought.. what if he really has it? I was thinking of what I'll do and stuffs. I was thinking if he was in hospital and stuffs.. I was just thinking a lot. I went home but I just couldn't fall asleep despite feeling so shagged. I was worried sick man. Many things were going through my mind. I tried calling once again and this time his mum answered. She told me he was resting and asked me to call again later. I said a word of thanks before hanging up. PHEW~! It was a load off my chest man. I mean.. At least now I know he's just resting at home. I was soooo relieved. I was laughing and smiling to myself and Xinni was there sort of sharing the joy with me. I looked like a silly sicko. lol.

Received his call afterwards and met him. I was so glad to see him. Other than feeling totally shagged and needed more sleep, he was fine. lol. I was soo relieved upon hearing and being confirmed so. After all the wait and everything, I finally got to see him. Definitely did miss him. lol. Ate ice-kachang again before heading to his place. After ironing, we sat down and chatted and stuffs. His mum.. Poor thing. The stupid nurse. Guess she needs to be demoted or get her pay cut. She injected the needle wrongly I guess causing his mum's hand to suffer.. err.. I don't exactly know what it is. Hmmm.. It looked sort of blue-black or something like that. She mentioned that it'll be fine after a while. Hopefully. She looked a lot better than the other day already. She was like.. soooo weak the other day. Much better now. Good for her. Ohh and ya.. I was sitting by the computer table when he suddenly pushed his chair backwards. I look at him blankly. He signalled the table and I turned to look. WOuuu.. There's this insect.. looking like cockroach. I wonderr what the hell it is.. It was jumping and jumping. OMG~! I was like shocked man. His dad sort of caught it and they placed it into a plastic bag. He then released it afterwards. lol. Funny. Honey sent me to the roadside to wait for a cab to pass. Soo miss him right now. lol. He's got school tomorrow.. so he has to sleep early. As for me, exams are over. As in prelims. No school tomorrow. Great. Xinni'll be over at around 10 and we'll be watching that korean love series. Beautiful. That show is great. So yeapp. That's about it I guess. I'd better get some sleep. I'm really really exhausted now. Nitez all. Nite hon. muackx. lurve u.

Oh and ya.. Happy birthday Zhiming.. Hope u had a nice day. Happy brithday to Dragon as well. Didn't get the chance to wish u. But well.. just hope u had fun. (if u ever get to see this. lol. )

2005-09-28T10:27:00.000-07:00

Was so happy upon seeing him last night. Can't express the overwhelming joy in me. I dunno. Was glad. We talked and stuffs. Hmmm. I know how upset he was. Sometimes, I really just think too much. His hp is gone. Haishh. Hurts me seeing him so down. But all I could do was nothing. Feel so hopeless. Haishh..

Forced myself to wake up today. Was like.. so tired. Luckily, the paper was pretty easy. So it's fine with me. Was reluctant to go home straight after school, so I went to Northpoint with Joelin, Li Ting and Li Xian for breakfast. We sat around and ate and stuffs.. till like bout 2+ man. I reached home at about 3 and lied on the bed. Fell asleep after a call from him. Woke up with perspiration all over me. darn. I thought the air-con was off but no. It was the door that was opened. I gave up on trying to go back to sleep and watched channel 8. "mei li bai fen bai" the lady got a lot prettier man. Oh well. Good for her.

I just can't help thinking of him. Feeling a bit restless right now. Honey, call me man. Where are you? haishh. Having no phone is a little bit of a problem. Mish ya hon.

haishhhhhhhhhh

2005-09-27T22:42:00.000-07:00

Your personality is best represented by the traditional Japanese Katana. You are brave beyond words and rarely (if ever) act for your own personal gain. Your honor is very important to you, and you strive to better yourself and help others. You try not to let emotions get in the way of making a sound decision, and are usually quite successful.

Hmmm.. What do you guys think? I guess it's sort of spot on. But well, nvm. I'm just thinking a lot right now. Feeling really unwell. Hmmm.. Not unwell, as in, sick.. but unwell.. as in.. I dunno how i'm feeling. It's just the kind of feeling where you really don't know whether you've done is right or wrong. And if it's wrong, why is it? And if it isn't, will the other person think it is? I mean.. haishh.. Sometimes, I'm thinking of something.. But when I say it out, the message is conveyed wrongly. You get what I mean? I dunno. I'm just damn vexed right now. In whatever I say, I never meant to hurt anyone. And when I say something, it doesn't have any bad meaning covered in it. It just truly means.. I'm thinking too much. And why I do so, is because I care. Well, now, I dun even know what I'm saying. I'm just.. haishh. thinking a lot. And I'm sorry.

[[ this is my blog. a place where i voice out my feelings. there's no reason for me to lie about anything. so bear with me in whatever i say. ]]

She came to talk to me today. I'm glad. About everything. Hmm.. nothing much to say actually. I'm just too vexed right now to think of anything to type. Haishh.

I don't mean to say anything hurtful or whatsoever really. But sometimes, when I wanna say something good, I sort of convey a wrong message.. making it no good. Or maybe sometimes, it's really not good. But most of the times, all that I say have no negative impact at all. Sometimes, you just think too much. And you've gotta tell me what you're thinking. So I can clear up all the wrong stuffs you've came up with.

Something is definitely wrong with me. I just don't know why, I can't be the best I am in front of you. I usually end up making blunders.. even to the extent of hurting you.. But I never mean to. Really.......

Honey, I love you. Am missing you lots right now. Quickly call me~! muackx. =)

nice guy worr. lol.

2005-09-26T15:09:00.000-07:00

Hmmm.. Yesterday was another remarkable day. Well, I started the day off with Xinni getting fetched to my place by my dad and me.. still half-asleep. We studied a little before I fell asleep again. lol. I slept late you see. Like around 5am and woke up at 11am okayy. So don't blame me for dozing off. =p Went out with Nini to meet some friends for dinner but we sort of left halfway. She went home.

Both of us were walking when an auntie approached us for directions. Well, him being the kind-hearted guy he is, grabbed her stuffs and offered to bring her there. So sweet of him. The auntie can't thank us enough offering to give us money cause she used my handphone as well. But of course, we declined. It's nothing much actually. She was lost.. it's our duty to help when we can lest anything like that happen to us as well someday.. He's a great guy. Helping whenever possible. *so sweet* Hmmm.. We were chatting about stuffs.. how he changed and all. It's nice to see him be the guy he is. He doesn't have to change or pretend.. for I wouldn't care how bad his attitude or whatsoever is. He is who he is.. and I accept every single thing coming from him. Muackx. We were eating ice-kacang as well as waiting for satay when we saw some unexpected peeps from school. My brother didn't even say hi to me. Hurts okay. But oh well, if that's how he choose it to be, then fine. That's his problem then. Well, we did nothing wrong. And there's no reason why any of us should be feeling guilty or bad or whatsoever. We're happy the way we are. And it's not gonna change.

Some people are looking at me with this stupid perspective of theirs. Dumb. They don't even know me in the first place to comment on me. First thing is, do they even know themselves? -_- I don't have to care. And I sincerely don't anymore. If there's a need for me to change, I will. I've already changed and I hope those people will not talk about me as if I'm still my past. They know nothing. So forget it. I'm happy the way I am. =)

My horoscope reading:
25/9
You're probably capable of doing a lot more than you currently are, so don't be afraid of accepting any new opportunities that might demand plenty of you. Now is the time to prove what a dynamic individual you really are. You could also have the opportunity to make some positive improvements in your relationships right now.

26/9
If you find yourself feeling a little unfocused on Monday, don't worry. You should get around to taking care of business a little later in the week. Just try to avoid getting into any unnecessary conflicts with friends before the week is through.

Most of the time I read these stuffs. It really do reflect on my daily life. Not bad. But still, I won't 100% believe it. Fate is in your own hands. I know. =)

shocked. touched. sweet. =)

2005-09-25T12:16:00.000-07:00

I woke up yesterday with perspiration all over my face. I looked at the clock. It was close to 4pm. The air-conditioner was off. What the hell. My mum asked me out. She said she wanted to proceed to the tailor to get my measurements done. Ya, I forgot. Hari Raya is coming. Anyway, I was sick and tired of those normal Hari Raya outfits. Well, my mum's great. She did me a long dress and the top was tubed. I love it. It still looked traditional yet.. not. lol. Anyway, I went to meet my special one afterwards. It was a little surprising that he was that nice. A man fell onto the floor and broke his stick. Seems like only a family of girls were trying to help. We all rushed over to help him. He mentioned "Look at all the donkeys and monkeys at the coffee shop.. Don't even wanna help me.. Thanks a lot for helping me ahh.." Guess what my special one said? "aiya.. nvm.. we all singaporeans.. should help one another.. nvm.." lol. Can't believe those words actually came from him. His friend was like.. "? wahh.. can't see that you're this nice..(in chinese)" lol. But well, it was sweet of him. I dunno.. just had that sweet feeling while looking at him saying that. heesh. The auntie was a kind-hearted woman. She bought him a new stick and even slippers. He thanked her. He just asked for one dollar for his bus fare. The auntie was about to give him when my special one said.. "nvm auntie.. i give" heesh. So sweet of him. When the man said, a group of chinese guys went to break his stick at around 2+ am in the morning while he was asleep at the playground, him and his friend started cursing those people. And ya.. I admit.. they're just some heartless freak~!

I have a loved one right now. I don't care what others have to say. For I trust him now. He's a great guy. Showers me with love and affection and definitely is one who cares. Who cares about our past or the gossips we get from others? I want to determine our future. You never know how long it'll last but I'll cherish every moment. I'm not afraid to say.. Honey, I love you. Muackx.

lazy man.

2005-09-24T16:13:00.000-07:00

I've been so tired to blog these few days.. yeapp. And people, when you read my blog, please do tag ya? Hmmm. Want to know how I am these few days? Overjoyed. Vexed. Tired. lol. I really am just so lazy to even go out sometimes. lol. Well, it's okayy. I'll start blogging properly real soon. When I've made up my mind that everything's fine. Anyway, he's giving me the trust I need. I'm happy. I'm glad. This overwhelming joy is making me crazy. Just hope it ain't short-termed. Er. Sorry.. My blogs have been cut short. Like I said, I'm realy lazy and not wanting to write about things yet. But I'm happy. I'm just considering others' feelngs. Oh and ya. Xinni.. I'm happy just seeing her happy. Really. I wonder why. And for the guy I love, I'm happy seeing you happy. Sincerely. Muackx.

love u.

2005-09-21T15:10:00.000-07:00

Okayy. So I'm practically alive and kicking. Sorry to my friends who were worried. lol. I'm so fine. I'm having my prelims. But well, not studying for it. I'm aiming for O levels. So if I stress myself up, it won't do me any good. Besides, I'm not well. My head is aching almost all the time. But I'm fine. I'm really happy right now. But still tormented (a little) by what has happened. Don't fear for me.. Cause I'm the kind who gets okay very quickly. In every situation. Oh and ya.. I'm proud of myself. Today's the first time I felt I really wrote a Malay essay. =)

Guess I wronged the leopard. It wanted to save itself and help me stop the bleeding. It never thought its claws would hurt me more. When it found out what it did was hurting me even though it helped the leopard feel a little better, it actually cleared the wound for me. There are still some cuts on me. I just need a little time for the cuts to cure. But nevertheless, I feel a lot better. Definitely. Seeing the leopard.. =) I'm happy. I just hope everything goes well. I don't want it to be short-termed. I'm entrusting my happiness in the hands of this leopard. If it can't do it, I'd rather it goes back to its rightful owner now. But well, since I chose to stick to it, I should trust it. I'm hoping it has changed its spots.

The wave has come to free me of my devastation. I'm now a free and happy living young woman. =)

BGR suckx.

2005-09-19T22:12:00.000-07:00

I should have stucked to my old self. I've told myself. I only wanted to stick to girls. Lol. Not as in lesbian of course. But the people whom I hang around with. I hate this. OMG~! Why the hell. Haishh. No words could adequately express the sorrow in me. Haishh. I actually trusted a leopard? N I thought it might just change its spot. FAT CHANCE. nvm. Perhaps, having people talking good about you is a good thing. Maybe, I should think for the other party too. But well, seeing the girl smiling.. okayy.. fine with me. I mean.. FORGET IT~. Wo zai ye bu hui xiang xin le. The bottle that has once overturned was being tightened back by the sand. The sand has now interceded the big wave and me in the bottle. It's okay. I will just take this in my stride. I know when to be in this bottle. Anyway, even though it's my first time being stucked in a bottle, I guess I should just face this fact.. That the sea, will have its low tides as well. I love you. =X

wo ai ni.

2005-09-18T10:42:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. I woke up to call him. He said he wanted to meet for breakfast. But it seems like he just couldn't wake up. So, I left him to sleep. He called me later on and we had lunch together. We met Xinni afterwards. We were like.. wearing something almost identical. lol. We went separate ways. Xinni and I went to play our favourite game again.. Photohunt~! There, the pervert was disturbing again. I was eating chocolate and he was like.. Asking if I want him to treat us and whatever crap la. Stupid pervert. Don't ever disturb me again. Anyway, some gangsters also disturbed us. Ouhh.. Whatever. Then we met up with Jasmine and went over to her place. Beautiful house. We watched Hot Chicks. I have a feeling I watched it before. But I can't exactly recall doing so. Lol. Anyway, it was a touching and funny story. Love it. We then went over to 723 to meet Kai Xiang and co. I was like.. waiting for someone. Then I got a surprise.

It is such a beautiful something. I mean.. beautiful. Absolutely. I was touched. Sincerely. Lol. That was the surprise I got. However, a around 3+am in the morning, I got another surprise. The big wave has actually overturned the bottle and set me free. Can you imagine the kind of feeling? It's like a prisoner who's just gotten outta jail after a long time. However, right now, this prisoner still needs time to face the world out there. She will need some time before she can get herself a job. This.. only time can tell. But being out of jail is already a BIG step towards her happiness. =)

lurve u..

2005-09-17T01:07:00.000-07:00

Going out with Nini tomorrow. =) Great. It's been a long time since i really went out anyway. Hmmm. Sorry people. Well, don't feel like going out with any guys right now. Don't want to either. Single; not available. No interest towards guys? I wonder. No interests in girls either okay. lol. Anyway, I've got things to share again. Heii guys. I know I've not been writing much about everyone and stuffs. I just think that I've been thinking about others a lot. It's time I be a little self-centred for a little while. Pardon me. For I myself need happiness as well. lol.

Trapped in a big bottle. All I can do, is run around in it. But, I'm getting used to it. I don't mind at all. Cause I have friends with me. However, one day.. A swept of wave sent us floating instead of staying put on the shore. This small wave has given me some light to believe that maybe, I may still get out of the bottle. I was harbouring my thoughts.. when problems arised. What if the bottle just won't overturn and let me out. Right now, I'm only floating.. not yet any hope of getting out. All I'm waiting for.. is for the wave to get bigger.. and overturn the bottle to let me out. That'll be the bestest day of my life. For only then, will I be free.

*23~15~_1~9_14~9

happy.

2005-09-15T21:47:00.000-07:00

hmmm. Sickening Mr Look. He approached me this morning and asked me why I didn't do my Physics practical. He even mentioned to the whole class about.. Someone not doing and the only one blah blah blah. I just don't like it. In fact, I don't like him. Hmpf. Forget it. I don't want to even think about him. SUCKX.

Well, basically, I woke up with my eyes sore. Duhh~ I was practically vexed and crying the whole night. But luckily for me, everything's back to normal today. In fact, it's better than I thought.

I thought about not watering my beautiful plant anymore. I was just too afraid it will fail me and wither no matter how hard I try to grow it. But, I thought again. Since I like it so much, why must I give up on it? So, perhaps, I'll just try to grow it. Hopefully, it'll bloom into a flower I really love. I'm just afraid I'll be spending my time on something not fruitful at all. NO. I'm sure it'll grow. I want to see flowers blooming. =) All nice things have to wait anyway. I'm happy and that's all that matters right now. ;)

damn.

2005-09-14T16:58:00.000-07:00

Hmm. I wrote a bloody long entry the other day.. Yet, it's nowhere to be found. Anyway, these few days you guys have been reading on and on about what I was doing and stuffs. And I'm getting tired of that too. Many things happened. And I have a lot of thoughts to share.

My so-called wonderful life is blooming. Yet, in another way, the flower might just wither anytime. Hmmm. It's a great kind of feeling. Yet, behind this great feeling, there's something called worries. This word is really killing me. I'm worrying a lot these days. I really don't want to. But I can't be so selfish so as to just think about myself. Whatever that has been happening, is like a wish.. being granted. Yet, the wish was granted by a devil. Get something good, another bad. Hmmm. Haishh. I'm just feeling so vexed right now. I'm in a loss of what to do. I just want whatever situation happens, everyone is happy. But I guess, it just ain't possible. Hmmm. Actually, everything does not exactly depend on me.. But someone else. I'm just an extra in the show. One who messes up everything. I really hope all these will stop. Why can't I just lead the normal kind of life. There are so many stones on the floor. Why must I choose one that just won't leap across the water? haishh. It's just not right. NONO. I've been thinking a lot. What exactly should I do? I know most of the decisions that might determine what'll happen now depends on another person. However, I don't want things to be this way. It just suck.

I'm happy because.. it's mutual. But everything's going wrong.

kids kids n kids. muackx.

2005-09-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. Basically, I was awoken by Xinni today. She called and said she'd be coming over. I was like.. Oh shit~! She was here and I was still sort of asleep. We then got changed and proceeded to Simei. Jessica told me yesterday that there'll be an audition today. So Xinni and I went to just try it out. Turned out there were some miscommunications and we had to wait for them for pretty long. It's still fine. I only wished Jessica was there with us. But well, I'm fine with it. Anyway, on the way to Simei there was this one cute little boy standing in front of me. His parents were speaking a foreign language that I couldn't make out. He's got such beautiful eyes that attracted me so much. I smiled and winked at him. He just kept on looking at me. He gave no expressions at all. But cutely, before he left, he smiled widely and said a loud "bye bye" to me. SOOOOO CUTE~!!! lol. A few stops later, this family came into the MRT. There was this guy. He looked so attractive. He had this Caucasian look and he dressed very smartly. But his mum was wearing a scarf.. So i assume he's Arab? I dunno. Anyway, there was this baby in the tram. DAMN CUTE~!! I was just admiring these beautiful creations of god.

We had our auditions after meeting up with the two guys in the band. Well, they said we were very good compared to all those who came to the audition. There'll be two more going for the audition. He said that if they're not as good as us, then we'll be called up to sing for their band. Actually, I sort of hope to get and not to get the place as well. I know my weak points. I suck at singing with music. Only after lotssss of practice will I get to sing well with the band. Hmmm. Haishh. I wonder. But getting the part will be of good experience to me. Definitely~. Well, we'll see.

Went to Funland to play PhotoHunt. AGAIN. Ya. lol. Xinni and I are getting addicted to this game. Anyway, the pervert at Funland was staring at us again. And today, he actually talked to us. Eww. Urgh. Enough about him. I saw a very cute little boy at there and asked him to play PhotoHunt with us. Lol. He did~! He was sooo cute. I actually had the chance to hug him~!! lol. (Hmmm. I'm getting obsessed in cute kids. lol. Heii. I'm not a pervert okay. haha~.) We met B afterwards and then proceeded to my place. We passed Safra and drank Hot Choc AGAIN. ya. lol. I'm getting addicted to this drink also.

Anyway, I just want to say that these few days are never boring for me. I have people around me like.. almost all the time I'm awake. Xinni'll be with me from morning till night. And other than her, I have the company of some other people. Plus, these few days.. I've always had things on and we also went to many places these few days. I'm just happy. Even with these exam stress, I am still feeling okay. It's great to have friends around you all the time. Therefore, to me, the people around me are the essentials of my life for they are the ones who determine my mood. I love you people. Muackx. =)

sleepy. yawnx~..

2005-09-10T23:09:00.000-07:00

I am like.. so sleepy right now. But I am damn bored so I thought I'd just make an entry before I go to sleep. Anyway, was chatting with B last night and we sort of "accidentally" agreed to meet for breakfast. lol. Oh well. He was here at around 7+. We went to 848 and mam mam. Didn't know Jisheng actually saw me there. Saw some of B's friends as well. Anyway, after breakfast, we went to just sit around and chatted. Getting bored, we went to play pool. Haha. I love playing there. It was great. I had fun. Then, we proceeded to Funland cause I wanted to play PhotoHunt. Ya, AGAIN. lol. And anyway, B's a nice guy. Pretty mature and gentleman for his age.

Met Xinni afterwards. We went to play volleyball with Jisheng, BingHuang and her sister. Well, we didn't really know how to play but I must admit it was a lot of fun. lol. It rained soon and so we went back to Northpoint. I played lots and lots of PhotoHunt. It's just damn fun. Met B again there after he left the funeral. His friends were all misunderstanding about us. Hei.. Just because a girl and a guy goes out means they're together? Where's the logic in that? Not only his friends I can see, some other people also thought we were an item. -_- And the worse part is when I heard from him what his frenz said about me. "Wahh. ni xian zai hai hui pao xiao mei mei ahh?" Hello~. Just because I was dressed in shorts and t-shirt today does not make me a small girl okay. Oh forget it. It's sure got to do with what I wore today. Sincerely. I have my reasons for this. But like I said, I'm tired. Tired enough to even care to explain. Ahh. Who cares?

Went to play pool again after that. Damn. I really spent lots of money today. But anyway, I LOVE the hot chocolate. It was practically delicious. Headed to my place afterwards. Quite bored at my place. We chatted and stuffs. It was just okay. They're coming over tomorrow to study. One day of fun and that's THAT. Xinni'll be here at 11 and B at 1. I'll have to sleep now.. so as to get up before that dear friend of mine. It's great having her to accompany me to almost everywhere I go these few days. It's like.. The word boredom has been striked off me. lol. Happiness is what I feel right now. I know everything does not go the way you want it to.. But all you have to do.. is be patient. That's what I'm doing. So long I am happy, I don't want anything to change right now. Leave things the way they are. I love life. For life is good to me. =)

eee. BIAN TAI.

2005-09-10T01:45:00.000-07:00

Can I ask a question? Do all guys treat girls well for a goddamn reason? Must there always be a motive for them treating you good? haishh. How I wish true love DOES exist. Hmmm.. Making friends is a great thing. Opposite sexes becoming friends is a great thing. It's not wrong to feel for the other party. To feel FOR her is nothing wrong.. but to FEEL.. as in to touch her.. of course it's wrong. For you have not asked for her permission at all!! Even if you did, wishful thinking~!! Sick in the brain. You're lucky you'll still live to celebrate Father's Day. Well, even if you HAD asked for permission, you'd already have a great dressing down man. What kind of a girl do you think I am? God.. I thought you were a great friend. But you turned out to have motives behind this great act. I don't feel for you. Can't you sense it at all? In the way I talk to you? The way I look at you? Urgh~! You must be sick to think I felt something for you. And you didn't think I like you... nono~! NO! N-O.. NO!! I didn't give you any wrong impressions. NO~! I even rarely chatted with you. What the hell is wrong man?? I am so lucky I knew what to do. I was just thinking if it were some other sweet and nice girls getting cheated. DAMN~! Urgh. Just thinking about it makes me sick. You can ask me for a full recount. It'll be a great learning experience. =)

I was watching a horror show on TV. I forgot about it. I don't like to watch shows halfway for I won't understand. So I just didn't feel like staying on and try to understand what happened before. Yeap. Anyway, about yesterday.. God, we all had a fun time. lol. We played lots of stupid games man. Took some photos and videos as well. I'll show you guys when I get the photos in my computer. Damn stupid. Well, not exactly ALL of us were having fun. Lixian was sleeping inside for she wasn't feeling that well. Overall, it was a fun day. And most importantly, the birthday girl had fun. So, it was great. It was really fun seeing everyone happy and laughing. I felt great. Really. There's so many things to say about yesterday. But I guess the pics will tell how happy we were.. reliving some primary school memories. =)

Anyway, I woke up at about 10+ today. Just nice. I went to bathe.. and ding dong. Xinni's here. Well, we studied a little. And then I left home at about 2+. I was meeting my friend at around 3 so we still had time. We went to play a little bit of Photo Hunt (it was fun~) and then I took a cab down to Safra.

Well, I met Xinni later on to get my blog done. Wanted to put photos in here. Wanna show you guys photos of our birthday parties and videos as well. So I was trying out other photos first. yupp. It took pretty long but she said it was considered pretty fast already. I felt hungry then and we had dinner. We had nowhere to go. Called Yong Quan to ask for a bball. But he said he was at 723. Upon hearing Lixian was there as well, Xinni and I rushed there. We chatted for a while and then... I SAW THE GAY~!! EWWW. HE WAS PRACTICALLY DISGUSTING. Lol. Well, I couldn't see his face for he was on the 5th floor. But just by hearing stories about him.. made me wanna puke. Well, I went back in a while for my dad was getting impatient. I'm gonna be so dead tmr. I have to get up at around 6. Do my POA. Tuition at 10. Vball at 12:30. And then Xinni'll be at my place to study. I have dance in the night. But I guess I'll not be attending. This sucks.

One more thing. It was Ling Kai's birthday. Now, it's is 1:46am. So, it's past his b'day but anyway, hope he had a fun time. =)

happy 16th birthday, XINNI~!!

2005-09-08T12:32:00.000-07:00

Okayy guys. I know my mum can be a nag and a nuisance at times. But she can be a dear at times. lol. She bought lots of stuffs for me. Hmmm. Never thought she'd think of us when she's out. God, she bought many Perlini's Silver necklaces and earrings for me. Seems like only that is around hundred plus. Then she bought bangles and bracelets as well. lol. Beautiful. She even bought those necklaces.. hmmm.. let me describe.. The kind in which can be in different colours and the pendant are actually like shells? You know the big-big kind? lol. Yupp. She bought white, blue, pink and black. haha. My sis was pretty happy yesterday. My mum did think of us anyway. Actually, I know she loves us and just cares. But, sometimes.. I think.. She's a little too overprotective? Perhaps. And she should be more trusting? Haha.. But nevertheless, I can never say she ain't a good mum. I know she loves me. LOTS. heesh.

So.. today's Xinni's birthday. We bought a cake for her just now. They'll be heading to my place like.. about 3? Yeapp. My mum has asked my domestic helper to prepare stuffs for us to eat. Hmmm. Yummy. We'll be playing some games later on. We MUST make Xinni happy. =) Alright~ I'm pretty tired man. Not enough sleep. I'll go rest. Update again okayy? ;)

sick.

2005-09-07T22:38:00.000-07:00

I'm trying my best right now to stop these tears but it just seems that it keeps on flowing. I dread going home each day. Whenever I step in, instead of feeling. "Great, finally.. home sweet home", I go "Great, another lecture coming up. What'll it be this time?" God. Please tell me. When will it be time that I'll love home and feel less stressed up. I'm doing everything for the sake of them. Fine. They want my future to be a bright one. Hey. I KNOW THAT. WHO DOESNT?? But what the hell.. I cannot be an angel. No one can. And I cannot basically be stucking my head in the books every single day, 24/7. I want to have my own life. We study so that we can have money so as not to be suffering in the later years. That's that. What's the point of wasting your youth.. living sadly.. to be a successful career woman and work and work and work, yet you can't live life the way you want it to. I don't want this to happen to me. I wanna live the life I want. Yet, not neglecting that studies is of course important for me. Heii. I am studying. I'm trying my best to indulge my brains with all the numbers, formulas.. and all the stuffs for my upcoming exams. But what the hell.. the people at home.. expect so much.. they're stressing me up that I can't even have the FUCKING MOOD TO STUDY. They keep on telling me what they expect and stuffs. And do you guys think it's easy. Though I'm flattered that they're counting on me to bring up the family name, it sucks like hell to be in this BLOODY position. I mean.. you'll feel so pressurised for.. definitely they love me.. and they want the best for me. But, sometimes, I can't feel too pressurised so as to do well. Once I feel pressured, it feels like nothing can be accomplished. Haishh. There's just so many things in my mind. But I'll just forget it. I'm fine. So don't worry. I'll be fine, even if I am not now. I'm just the kind who has to cry for a few minutes before feeling a lil better afterwards.

So.. I forced myself up today to go for POA. Well, didn't wanna go for Physics. Cos basically, Mr Look has mood swing. And whenever his mood is bad (so happens frequently), he just suck. He keeps on talking on and on that we can't even do our work. QI SI REN LE! He's sick. But man.. who cares. Well, I was just thinking of spending some time with Xinni.. Since she's usually home and feeling bored. Well, I asked her out today. She skipped both classes.. So right after POA, I met her. We went to eat together with Ling Kai and Chong Yang and headed to North Point. Walked walked walked, played some photo hunt (damn fun~!) , played some games and I asked Xinni to come over to my place. We chatted about stuffs. On and ya~! I gave her a haircut. She looks much better now. No one can deny that okayy. Heez~ Well, I was glad she was there to accompany me. For I'd have felt real bored otherwise. Hmm. Yupp. Met Jessica dear at Bugis and we took some photos. lol. I might not look that nice.. but we had fun. =)) Went to dance later on.. But well, I was so tired. We left early yesterday also. Just had no mood to go on dancing. But nevertheless, I love the dance. It was fun. Hahs~

Well, I was walking home, wondering why I felt so restless and tired and moody. Well, it so happens I'm SICK. Damn. I didn't even realise. Stupid me. lol. Anyway, I was alone.. So I was thinking through. I'm gonna study hard man. This last lap.. it's gonna help me a lot. This time, I'm serious. Xinni agreed to help me. Glad to hear that. =D I'm more than glad. So yupp. My mood today.. is much better than any yesterday or any of the 4 days before. lol. Anyway, I'm always fine de. No one is to worry about me. =) I love you guys. Muackx.

yawnnnn

2005-09-07T00:04:00.000-07:00

Okay. What happened today.. I was still sooo upset. I wonder why. I was just so tired, whoever asked me out I just didn't feel like it. Sorry guys. Hmmm. Well, I went out at around 5 today, met Patrick in the MRT. He was going to PS and I was going to Kallang, so.. ya. Same way. We just talked a little. My mood sucked anyway. Well, my mood got better upon meeting Jessica. We chatted and stuffs. I was feeling better but was still pretty lost inside. Wonder why. We saw Alvin (the one who looks like Sylvester. lol.) at the MRT station and so.. we set off to the studio together. Ya, I was being teased. By the girls and that guy. Hmmm. Made me sort of blush. Oh well. Haha. Then when the dance was over, shit. I was feeling it. GASTRIC. Again. Damn. I was like thinking.. I ate.. Didn't I? That was when I found out, I only had my breakfast~! Cause I was basically too lazy to have my lunch. Hmm. We were walking to the MRT station when Alvin called after us. Told us to wait. Then they said bye. We did too. Well, sincerely, the dance made me feel a lot better. It was quite fun. Jessica and her friends were taking the bus home. So well, I went up to take the train myself. Well, saw Dennis at the platform. lol. We chatted and ya.. dispersed at City Hall.

Ya.. I must admit.. he did make me feel a little better. But trust me, I'm not in love. lol. I guess I'll know when I really am? I'm feeling much better now.. but still, sick of school and stuffs like that. Well, if my friends are reading this, hmmm. I hope you guys will make me feel better k? Sincerely, you guys are the light of my life. Lol. Really. And I definitely treasure you guys. Besides, you guys make me happy. Hehe~ And guess what.. I just found out that.. whenever I am unhappy, pimples'd come out from my face~!!! AHH~!!! I hate this. So.. please, to ease your eyes from seeing this ugly sight, make me happy. I'm easily contented de okayy. lol. I'm tired man.. yawn~.. (i'm reALLY yawning. lol.) nitez~!

haishh...

2005-09-05T21:51:00.000-07:00

Haishh. Don't tell me it's that time of the month again? My tummy seems to be a little bulging out already. And my mood is starting to suck. I feel like crying all the time. And I seem to easily get bored. Hmmm. So if you see me, please don't provoke me. Thanks. I don't easily get angry la.. But hmmm.. There's a patience to everyone's limit. Ya.

Sunday.. I practically slacked at home. Went out to enjoy some drinks and chocolates just for a while. Some people asked me out.. But sorry peeps, wonder why.. I just didn't have the mood. Hmmm. It was boring. I was practically waiting for a message or a phonecall. Only from someone. Damn. I know.. it sucks man. NO. I am not in love. Serious. Haishh. I wonder. I don't wanna be in love. That's the last thing in my mind right now. Was missing him yesterday.. so msg-ed him first. Hmmm. Sincerely, I am soo not in love. Nono. lol. hmmm.

Went to school and rushed to Singapore Poly afterwards. Damn. It was like.. so bor-ing. Perhaps, I didn't stay till the fun part? But that was all I could withstand. Hmm. I was falling asleep. Almost drooling I guess. haha. Well, we left and went to Northpoint to buy some things. Just found out the NeoPrint shop was ready there. Jas, Xinni and I then took photos. My mood practically suck. But I was lucky I have them. They won't make me feel bad in anyway. I know.

Everytime I receive a msg, I wish it's from him. lol. Sucks. I know. So, I want to shake off this feeling off me. Really. I know "tao bi" (sort of running away) is not the best thing to do. But that's what I love to do. I know it sucks.. But I don't wanna be hurt by love or even hurt because of love. Forget it. I'm only 16. haishh. I wanna live a happy life with friends. yeap. Nothing much la. I'm just stressed out. By what I dunno. If someone is ready to lend me a listening ear.. please. But perhaps, I have nothing to say. haishh. nitez.

i'm such a pig~!

2005-09-04T14:32:00.000-07:00

Oh god. What's happening to me? I feel like such a pig. =X After blogging yesterday, I went back to sleep and I woke up only at about 8pm. Woke up because my gastritis was acting up. Found something to eat, watched tv, played comp and then Simon called. hmm. We chatted. I really treat him as a very good friend. Yeap. =) After that, Dennis msg me. He just reached home from work. I bet he was tired. Well, he mentioned he'd call me once he had taken his bath. Received his call in a while and we chatted. It's really easy to tell him like.. anything in the world. He'd just understand. And it's nice talking to him for he won't make me bored and stuffs. He's good at making me laugh. Well, though none of us wanted to hang up that soon, I told him to get to sleep for he was like gonna black out real soon. We hung up at about 1+ and I finished reading the book I've been on for 2 days. Not bad. It's about teenage love. Pretty interesting. After a while, received msg from Zhiming. He must be sick. He bet that he wouldn't ***** ever again. And if he did, he'd cut his finger off. *blur* Well, I fell asleep upon replying to that msg.

Life can always be meaningful no matter how meaningless it can get. If you keep on saying life is boring, life sucks and all these, what makes you think you WILL be happy? Happiness is not for others to decide but you yourself. One thing that you must do, is not exactly to reflect on how happy you are but just focus on making tomorrow a better day than today. Sometimes, you'll just find that you don't have to try too hard to be happy. Or maybe, you don't even have to try at all. I'm happy. Really. And I hope all my friends are too. I really don't wish to see any of them sad. For it hurts me seeing so. There's school tomorrow. So I guess I'll try to be a pig again today since I sooo don't feel like going out. lol. =) miss jessica. miss him. miss them.

yawn..

2005-09-03T11:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I just woke up. haha~ Still tired man. But I just couldn't back get to sleep. Went to school yesterday and settled the whole thing. Hmm. I guess.. the fault is still in him. Everything is his fault. Everything started off from him. I can't believe we all thought he could bring her happiness. Perhaps he did. He gave her happines...... that was short-termed. Very short. Now, I guess all we can do is wait for her to let it go. I hope.. she'll be fine real soon. It hurts me seeing her like this. haishh..

Well, I went home after that and quickly got ready to go and get coaching for my POA. It was fine. I mean.. I could catch up with everything. She said I was fast too. =) haha. So happy. I really gotta buck up for my O levels are like.. just around the corner. What's even nearer is the prelims. Damn. Just thinking about it makes me so stressed. Let's forget this topic.

When I got back back from tuition, went out for the gathering. Got to know some new people. The girls there are just great. They're all so friendly and we were like.. chatting like we've known each other for quite long. Got to know Serene yesterday. She's a great petite lady at the age of twenty. She's nice. Also got to know a guy named Michael. So, I just knew he's staying at my block. lol. Saw Han Chuan and Christopher too. Han Chuan is a cute and nice guy.. Christopher seemed nice but he was a little quiet. The rest of them.. It wasn't our fist time gathering. Jisheng was a little more responsive today. haha. He joined Qing Wei in bullying me today. I just wonder why I'm like.. so blur these few days. Die~! haha. Don left early. Lol. He didn't know we were still there. So blur~! Wonder who told him we dispersed already. May and Shijie played the game so well. I mean, I couldn't even make out what to press. haha~ We played a little of Photo Hunt before seating down at Long John. Simon came over with his bunch of church friends. Said hi to some of them and after a while we went to meet Qing Rui and then played pool at OCC. Simon called to say he was at SAFRA! Aiyo. He got the wrong address. Sadly. He didn't wanna come over cause he said it was too far. I was like.. okay then. Serene was so cute playing pool. haha. Oh well, we had fun and I just had to go home first. How sad. But it was really damn late already. Thought my dad will kill me. But well, he just said a few words and that's it. =)

Then, Dennis called me. We chatted on the phone. He's a real nice guy. So understanding and stuffs. His personality so don't look like him. lol. But well, my first impression on him was that he was a cool gentleman. lol. And ya.. he is. Simon called halfway.. but well, I was on the phone. So ya.. Dennis and I chatted till so late and I was getting worried for him. Hmmm. He's got dance the next morning after which he'll be working till late night. But well, he said it's alright but I bet he was tired. haha. he sort of blacked out for abt 5 seconds. So it's like.. when it was real late, we hung up. Yup. Damn. I'm getting hungry already. I'd better eat. haha.

fun day at home with frenz.

2005-09-01T22:09:00.000-07:00

Okay. So I woke up early today for my friends. lol. Slept pretty late yesterday but it was still okay for me. I mean.. I was practically resting and watching movies the whole day. Peili and Lixian came over late.. So they actually bought some snacks over to "pei zui". lol. Well, we started off watching Charlie and the chocolate factory. Not bad. Quite touching and interesting. Then they watched Bewitched. I watched it before and I don't exactly think it's nice. Well, Xinni brought a Chinese show which stars Edison Chen! Of course I'd wanna watch. He's like.. so mesmerising. lol. Nine girls and a ghost. It was sooo touching. I just love it. Most of us were sort of crying. It was sooo touching. I was so moved. And Edison was just so cool. lol. =X My god~ Can't believe I am drooling over a star. haha.

Well, then we started playing some games and ate and chatted. One of us isolated herself to sort out some things. Haix~ I just feel soo terrible seeing her this sad. Having a relationship may be the most beautiful thing in your life. Yet, it can be your worst nightmare. Haix~ I wonder.. how do you really know he's the one? Hmm. I'm afraid.. so afraid that I might fall in love once again. Anyway, we're gonna settle a very important something tomorrow. Tell you guys more tomorrow ya.. I just wish all these sufferings will end for all my friends. It's our last year man. Why stoop to these kinda things? Man~

Anyway, Jerry called me just now. Hmmm. Next week, he wants to bring me to Sakae Sushi and perhaps play pool after that. I guess it'll be okay. haha. hmm. I really don't know what to say. I'm sort of happy but not exactly. hmmm. I guess I'm worried about exams? Or.. Well, I don't know. I just wanna find happiness in life. That's one thing I pursue in life. Wo zui qiu de.. jiu shi.. xin fu kuai le. lol. What the hell am I saying. Oh~ Whatever~..

tired...

2005-09-01T01:07:00.000-07:00

Met Simon foor lunch just now. We chatted a bit. And I guess he joked around about wanting me to be his gf? I dunno. lol. Then I went home and got ready to go for dance. Called Peili and Mikal up to go along. Mei Fen came along too. Met them at Marina Square.. ate some roti boy. And then proceeded to meet Jessica. Once we saw her, we walked to the dance studio.

We were separated into 2 groups. Me and Jessica, not together. Sadly, didn't really get the chance to smile or talk to her and look at her face beside me. Hmm. Yupp. Then I got to know this one guy, Dennis a.k.a Jian Ming. He was great. He's damn cool man. Dance pretty well. We were separated in groups you see, so like.. We had to seek help from those in our group, and we happened to be in the same group, so we taught each other. He's real nice. Anyway, there's a girl there.. Wow. The way she dance is real HOT~. lol. Sort of struggling with today's steps. But okayy lor.. Hmm. Before going home, Dennis sweetly waited at the door and opened it for me. He smiled and I did the same. Then just before we left, he asked for my number. haha. Yupp. That's how our friendship started.

I'm so happy for my dear. Seems like.. she's found her source of happiness. =) So glad to hear that. And I know I won't be neglected nevertheless. =) Can't help rejoicing over that. And I can't wait to hang out with her at Jurong swimming complex. Woot~! Miss you lots girl.

Tomorrow morning.. My classmates are coming over. We're watching movies at my place. It's gonna be a fun day I suppose. Real fun. Oh ya, this reminds me. I just got to know what happened to my dear classmate. I feel real sad for her. Let me just say what happened. I really can't stand this anymore. Okayy. I mentioned about a great young lady in my earlier blog. I didn't say anything that happened back then. But now I have to say about this. She loves this guy damn much. They got together. And now, the guy doesn't even wanna talk to her. She took his hw for him in class when he was absent. He didn't msg him for so long. I bet she was overjoyed to see his msg in her inbox. But guess what he said. "pass my hw to (his crush)" OMG. He's just so overboard. Urgghh. Forget it. I don't wanna say so much about this kinda stuffs. Make my heart boil man. He just suck right now. I used to look up to him. But not anymore. Forget it. I just hope, if he wants a breakup then SAY IT. Cos my wonderful friend just trusts him so much man. And I hope she'll be freed from this devastation fast. haishh.

People. Cherish what you have. And please try to minimise the pain if you really have to. But if possible, don't. Things don't always go the way you want it to. But you can always look at the glass half full rather than half empty. =) nitez.

first dance.

2005-08-31T00:20:00.000-07:00

27th August 2005 I won't want to, nor will I be able to forget this date. The day which marked that we were fated to be. lol. (sounding like lovers huhh) I just feel this special bonding when I'm with her. It's funny how this happened, but whenever I'm with her, it's like we've known each other for so long. There's nothing that I can't open up to her. She cares for me.. and it so happens I can't help worrying, or i shall say, caring about her. It's special. Special as in.. extraordinary. I, Hidayah, had made a pact with her, Jessica, that we won't leave each other. (30th August 2005). Cherish.. I definitely will. I don't want to lose any loved ones no more. =) We've made our promises. And we'll definitely not break it. I'll make sure I won't.

Met her at 5 just now. Wore something pretty similar. lol. Wasn't planned. Great minds think alike you see. lol. Had fun with her just now. First time I actually played the drum thing. lol. Very funny how stupid I was. And she was just so pro at it. We went to mac and slacked for a while.. before going for the dance thing. Something STUPID happened.. and I mean STUPID. lol. Here goes.. lol.

We took the lift down from the MRT station. Lazy pigs you see. lol. We entered it and waited for the door to open. This is what I call "great" minds think alike. We were already at the ground floor and the door is still not opened. Jessica was like.. trying to dig the door open.. and I was like knocking on the door. Only after a few seconds later did we find out what fools we were!! lol. We started laughing like idiots when we found out that the door was opened on the other side. lol. Stupidity kills man. haha. Can't believe we were like.. nvm. lol.

Then, we waited for Jessidah to bring us to the studio. There were two guys when we stepped in. One looked so like Taufik and the other, so like Sylvester. OMG~! It was such a coincidence man. lol. Their first day too. I'm not lying man, they really look like Sly n Taufik.. just maybe.. the younger version. lol. It was real fun man. All I can say was that I had fun and I bet Jessica did too. Muackx. I'm happy as long as you guys are. Please tag ya? Make me happy as well. =)

He said he was going to go home with me.. But he finished earlier, so he left first. (Must punish him. lol. ) Ya. Well, it was fine. Cos dear Jessica accompanied me. So sweet. lol. We took some cute, sweet and funny photos along the way. Love her. Thanx lots girl. U're da best. Muackx. lol.

2005-08-30T14:54:00.000-07:00

So.. I was walking home feeling so sweet inside today. Lol. Can't believe a Primary School boy gave me this kind of feeling. lol. Peili and I were like so bored in class. We both couldn't stand it anymore. Left school at 1:45pm and walked her home. She talked about the dog who always sat outside her house. She was betting that the dog was still lying there. And well, yes, it was still there. And why I felt so sweet walking home.. was because her brother said I look like Ai Sha. lol. *blush* =)

Anyway, I slept real late yesterday. Like.. Around 2 plus? lol. I was chatting on the phone, and that person slept on me. lol. Not exactly on me.. but as in.. aiya, you know~. lol. Well, that was funny.. yet cute. Lol.

I'll be going to a Mediacorp thing today. Dancing or something. Me and dearest Shan will be going there to try it out. I mean.. if we love it, we'll sign a contract with them. However, my mum insists she be there with me to sign it. -_- Wonder what she's so concerned about. But well, she means well. So it's alright. Can't wait to go today. Meeting Shan at 5 at Bugis. I gotta get changed soon. Lol. I'll just chat here for a while more. heez. Alright guys. That's all.

I love her. It's a miracle how much light a friend can bring into your life. haha. But I'm happy. With my life now.. So long my friends are, I'll be too. hehe. I love all the people around me. Him. Her. Them. Muackx.

a gift from heaven

2005-08-29T18:54:00.000-07:00

Hmm. I wonder if there's an explaination for this. She just walked into my life and owned herself a place there. Friends play a big role in our lives.. I mean really FRIENDS. Not those who claim you are their friend and end up talking behind your backs. But those who'd stand up for you when injustice is done to you. She's special in her very own way. I just feel so comfortable being with her. Lol. Well, the feeling is just hard to collect. All I have to say is, it's a positive feeling. And I have this gut feeling it's gonna go a long way. =)

However, another is ending right now. Damn. I can't believe what a bitch she is. I thought she was a friend of mine. Never thought she was double-faced. Oh whatever~! I don't feel like talking about her. It just makes me boil deep inside. Now injustice is done to my friend. I tell you, I have to stand up for her. In a respectable way of course. I don't wanna end up looking like some "ah lian" trying to settle some problem. lol.

Saw my close, real close and wonderful friend shed tears again today. I felt so bad. I really didn't know what to do. I just sat there and hugged her. I didn't know what to say. It rarely happens, but just now, I was just at a loss of words. I don't wanna see her sad, but it seems I can do nothing about it. I just tried to cheer her up. It happens I did. lol. Tell you what happened. We were like.. going to buy drinks for ourselves from the machine in school. It so happens our coins were stucked. Kai Xiang hit the machine and a 10-cent coin came out. hmmm. Not bad huh. Well, I tried to just hit it gently. OMG. A few coins came rolling down. Kai Xiang was like.. -_- He hit it so hard and only managed to get a 10-cent coin whereas I, who just hit it gently got more. Anyway, it ended up with my dear friend hitting that stupid machine and we all ended up with more than a dollar each. She was the luckiest of all as she got some $1 coins. lol. We laughed and talked about stuffs and cheered her up a little. But I know from her eyes afterwards, that she was unhappy once again. I was a little unwilling to alight the bus.. but well, I had to go home. Kai Xiang would accompany her anyway. Yeapp.

Met Simon yesterday after eating with my special friend. We sent her to meet her friend at the MRT station. Said hi to her friend and the first thing he said was "brothers and sisters huh?" while looking at me n Simon. I just couldn't help giggling. Do Simon and I look that alike? lol. I wonder.. Then.. He walked me home. yupp. Again. Shared stuffs. He's really a nice and great guy. =) I know he won't read my blog as he finds this kinda thing bo liao. But anyway, thanks Simon for yesterday. lol.

People. It's never too late nor too early to tell people you love that you really treasure them. Love them for who they are for if they were to change just for you, this kind of compromising might not be right. Don't live to regret. Haishh. I'm starting to think.. URGH. Shake that thought of your mind, Hidayah~! Wake up!!!

2 dayS?

2005-08-28T13:19:00.000-07:00

hmm. I didn't blog for two days if I'm not wrong. Anyway, on Friday, let's see.. Ya. I was damn bored at home. Then I decided to just go out and accompany Simon. Went to his church thing. I was introduced to his friend. She's real friendly and the outgoing type? Ya. Lol. It was comfortable talking to her. Anyway, she said I look like Ai Sha. Haha. Another girl said that as well. *blush* I was very shocked to hear that. Cause only one or two of my friends mentioned that before. Though I don't agree ( sincerely ) , I said a word of thanks for the beautiful compliment. =) Then more people came, and I found out that I actually know quite a number of them. haha~ Not bad. Furthermore, Simon claimed I was his sister. And what the hell, a lot of people actually thought we DID look alike. LOL. In what way? I wonder.. lol. Well, then we went to Burger King to have some sorta dinner or maybe you call that supper. And then we walked home. Yeap. Nice talking to him. haha.

On Saturday, I woke up to see Dewi's message. I quickly got ready to go out. And she was late. Lol. It's okay. Hmmm. We went shopping at Heeren first. We shared a lot of stuffs. Even some, I never mentioned before? lol. Saw shuai ge Dragon, he actually introduced me to a guy who needed dancers for the superstar thing. So I'm considering whether to go. Saw Raphael, together with his gf and friend. Then saw Kiki and Candy. I saw quite a number of people today man. Lol. Anyway, we went for Manicure and Pedicure. Then, I went to buy clothes. Spent around a hundred. I gotta start saving. Anyway, we then went to meet this special lady. Yupp. Then I went home. Had supper with Simon, my dinner actually. He's a nice guy. Haha. To me, that is. Anyway, we chatted about stuffs, and I just found out that his family background is a little more complicated than mine. haha. Well, that's about my two days. Nothing much I guess, a little boring. Boring, as in nothing extraordinary happened. But it wasn't exactly boring. You get what I mean. Later. lol.

haishh.

2005-08-25T19:08:00.000-07:00

Now tell me. Am I a jinx? Or is it just that the people around me are not treasured? haishh. One of my real close and great friends actually shed tears for a guy today. I've been seeing too many sad faces. haishh. Couldn't bear to leave her just now. I love her. I don't wanna say what happened to her because it'll just make my heart boil. Why can't people just be satisfied and treasure what they have? Hei. I ain't perfect either. I fall under the category of the "people" that I mentioned earlier as well. With all my friends feeling this way, I daren't even think of my own personal life. These few friends of mine who are hurt affect me in a way that makes me feel how they are feeling. And I can't help thinking of me being in their shoes. Sad. However, I've got to say I'm happy for my closest so-called-sister. Well, we were real close. Not really now.. but I'll never forget her. I'm happy for her because.. after being hurt for so long, she has finally found a great guy and has accepted him. =) However, for those who are just being hurt, I really hope there's a way I can just make them feel better. I just.. feel bothered by looking at their gloomy faces. Though some try to hide their devastation, it's pretty easy to see through if you're really their friend. I'm sad for my friends who aren't happy. In anyway, I'll try to make myself free for any of you to call me anytime. Anyway, I've been talking about many different people here. I hope you guys won't misunderstand who I am referring to. You may want to ask and I may choose if I want to say it or not. lol.

Why be in a relationship when you know you'll just end up getting hurt some day? haishh. I really don't want to encounter this. karma. Haven't fall on me. That's so why I'm afraid I might experience it some day. I know what I did.. And I of course know I was wrong. But, I'm a changed person now. I just hope.. everything will turn out fine for me. Many others still go into relationships despite knowing there's a risk of them getting hurt.. But well, perhaps.. life is all about taking risks.

Made a new girl-friend. She's unique. Nothing like anyone I've met before. Looking forward to see her again. lol. Though it'll be her first time seeing me. Hmmm. I'm starting to miss someone. lol.

personality test.

2005-08-25T01:01:00.000-07:00

Personality test. lol. got it from pressing on some link?

Yaya, you're a Movie Star!

You're a bright ray of sunshine and secretly wonders why you're not famous yet. Chances are you don't get annoyed with people very easily, and you can handle stressful situations with grace. As if all that weren't enough, you're friendly, charming, and great with people.You like making your work environment cozy and hospitable and you spend a lot of time on your appearance. You never shy away from asserting your ideas and opinions, and encourage others to do the same.And that's just scratching the surface!

Yaya, your career personality type is ENFJ

That means that based on the standard measure of personality traits, your natural leadership skills make you the go-to person during times of crisis or needed inspiration. You are blessed with the ability to maintain balance in the office or motivate others to join the team. You possess excellent communication and people skills, and help maintain a positive work atmosphere that allows people to grow. You remain focused and encourage others to reach a common goal. You dislike office politics and try not to get involved in the murk. Instead, you rise above it all with your understanding nature. You like taking control of situations and projects, but do not flaunt your power in people's faces. You have a deft touch and inspire others with your magnetic charisma. You are well organized and are a strong multi-tasker.The reason employers and recruiters might be on the lookout for you is that only about 3-5% of the U.S. population shares the unique characteristics of your personality type. Research shows that businesses succeed when employers create a good balance of personality types in the office. And since only 3-5% of the U.S. population shares your type, that means employers are looking for you.
But, to truly show employers what you have to offer, you need to understand a little more about traits that make up your type.

delicious. yumm.

2005-08-24T23:13:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine read my blog and tears filled her eyes.. aww. I was so touched. =) Anyway, first time going to Genghis Khan to eat today. Wow. It was like great. I was gorging the food into my mouth. There were so many delicious stuffs there. Crispy chicken, sushi, cakes, ice-creams, shark's fin soup and my fav. fruit punch was also available. It was just so great that once I ate, I just felt like going to sleep. Yummy yum. Thanks to Qing Wei for inviting me. haha~. Though it was like.. so last minute. But ya know what, the food is great and so is the price. But not bad ah. Sort of worth it? lol.

Haishh. Looking at those peeps studying just now, darn. I'm so behind time. What's gonna happen to me? Prelims are like.. around the corner. Trust me man. Mum and Dad are gonna be so disappointed in me if I don't do well. Scared now. Haishh. Should have thought about this much earlier. Study, study and study. Die la like that. Urgh.

sorry man.

2005-08-23T14:48:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. At times, maybe when you judge someone too much, you just happen to lose the chance to see something special in life. In my previous entry, I think.. I was being a little insensitive to others' feelings. I just feel a little wrong. But well, there ARE some things I said that are right. So well, perhaps at times, we people'd just have to learn how not to judge. But the most important thing is that.. people try to accept their mistakes and learn to be a better person from these things. Really. Life'll be much better. Don't ever think of death or ever hurting yourself. One day, you may look back and laugh at your foolishness. Or maybe, you might regret that what you have done actually made your future worse in a way. However, I'm not saying I've never done anything I regret in my life. I definitely have. And one.. which I still can't get over. But I think, it's manageable. lol. So it's fine.

Anyway, I sort of just skipped class today. I can't stand it anymore. It's making me crazy man. I couldn't help looking at my classroom and so I headed home. Sincerely, I indeed WAS dizzy in class. I wonder why. But well, whatever it is, I'm home now. Seldom it is that I actually feel so great to be home. lol. Home sweet home. My mum just prepared me some food to eat. I'm gonna eat my rice, then of course my chocolates and ice-cream. Yumm. I still have things to say don't I? hmmm.

Dunno. Can't think of what it is I hafta say. Forget it. Hmmm. Bored without Peili today. Haha. No one to crap beside me. Even though Qing Hui and Ying Na are of course fun to be with.. but it just lacked something. Or her that is. Dewi has booked me for this Saturday.. and Pei Fen has booked me on Friday. Lol. Don't think I can go out already other than those two dates. lol. Needa buy specs man. Lazy. My eyesight freaking sucks man. Hate it.

Anyway, saw certain stuffs bout my love karma or whatever thing. I dunno. You guys check it out if you guys want. Otherwise, that's all for this entry.

affair you were interested more in yourself and your own experience than you were in your lover. You had a sense of drama and romance and you tended to focus on what impression you might be making on others -- on whether you were impressing them with your good looks and innate sense of charm. You did have plenty of admirers, which only boosted your sense of your own appeal. Your slight self-absorption may have made your lover feel somewhat small and neglected by contrast, even though you had no ill intentions.

In your current life you possess that same innate charm and charisma that win people over in an instant. You have lots of admirers, plenty of people who are attracted to you and seek out your company. You are also a socially graceful person, which is even more attractive than your looks or charm.

If you are in a committed relationship, your love partner might once again, as in your past lives, feel a bit neglected by you. You are a powerful person who possesses incredible charisma; while you have a wonderful grasp of romantic gestures and settings, your lover might be left with the subtle sense that you're more interested in the impression you're making on the world at large than on your lover, specifically.

Well, that's it. Believe it or not, I guess.. that's up to my boyfriend to decide. But I don't have any. Oh and ya, I don't want to either. Not now. Lol. Single, not available. lol. =) bye guys.

damn.

2005-08-22T18:03:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. I've heard of karma. Duhh~ Definitely. But well, what about bringing upon others what you have suffered? God. I just found out what happened. Well, the pot calling the kettle black? This guy I know. What the hell. He used to say what a bitch I was for what I did. Ya, I know.. What I did was so wrong. I shouldn't have taken relationships for granted like that. Well, since he knows that kinda feeling when I did what I did without using my brains towards him, why'd he have to do that to others? God. I just can't believe this. He never know how much he hurt that girl. I was a f. bitch back then, I wont deny.. But I've definitely learnt everything. And my close friend had since said I've become a better person. And I'm so proud of myself for being able to do so. It's just that.. I so hope what he's doing now.. He didn't learn from me. I am just feeling the kinda devastation she's feeling now. It's like.. I feel so sad for her. What has this guy turned into? Some kinda jerk? Sheesh.. I really dunno. He's not the guy I knew. He's now proclaimed.. BASTARD. Sad to say, he should have been more mature than this. He's supposed to have grown to be a better person man. God, I just can't believe this. He must be sick in the brain right now. Looking for better girls. When he has a good one, he'll be thinking about her bad points and start thinking where he can find a better one. And this keeps going on. So NOT love. So.. Desires. He's sick man. Really. Urgh. Enough about him. He's pissing me off. So not the guy I used to know. So a jerk. Miss the old him. Sheesh. Hope he'll come to an end to all these one day. And wake up from his bad dream.

I'm so happy that my friends are finally asking me out again. Now they're free huh? Lol. Anyway, my friends are coming back. I guess that's because I'm coming back. Tell you guys.. at one point of time, I sort of locked myself. Sort of didn't tell anyone my true feelings or anything. But now, I love my close friends.. those i can confide in. And you know what? They're one of the best things in my life. And it's great you know.. to have one.. who can talk to you.. think how you think.. and feel how you feel.. go through weal and woe with you. I always find that those with friends are always better off than those without. That is, if you know who your true friends are. Friends are also pretty important in building the self-confidence in you. Therefore, if you're a friend, then don't bring your friends down. It might be a joke. But your friend feels hurt nevertheless. Therefore, it's best to tell her about her good points and just perhaps talk to her once or twice about her bad points? Well, friends definitely want their friends to be a better person. Therefore, it ain't wrong to point out the others' mistakes too. In a nice way, of course. So yupp. Heii all. Be happy ya? Don't frown. Cos I might just be falling in love with your smile.

life's great the way it is.

2005-08-22T00:20:00.000-07:00

Heii.. This is to all guys out there. Hmmm. I've had a number of friends who shed tears for girls.. and they find it a bit girlish and "aqua" to do so. But well, trust me.. It's nothing wrong. Guys are still human beings. They do shed tears too, of course. Sometimes, things just don't go the way you always want to, but well, you can always try to make your life better, perhaps by looking at the glass half full rather than half empty. Hope you guys get what I mean ya? But well, nothing's easy. Trust me. I know.

Anyway, I was out to Causeway Point to watch "The Maid" the other day, and I received an SMS from a friend saying thank you. Well, he claimed I sort of helped him sort things out. I was just so glad I could help. Moreover, he's my friend. I can't help but feel happy for him too. Seems like.. it's the start of a better life for him.

I then watched The Maid. My god~! The people sitting behind us were like.. shouting so loudly. My friend was like.. "Ehh. We need ear plugs man". Lol. He sort of jumped while watching the show and he was like.. trying to scare me. Well, I was scared.. but I just won't scream. Lol. He claimed that he wasn't shocked by the ghost or whatsoever of the movie. He claimed those people behind us who suddenly screamed shocked the hell outta him. It was real funny seeing him laugh ya know? lol. But it was fun.

Anyway, I've become a person who seems to enjoy life better now. Looking at things from another angle? Well.. one thing I really only want in life, is to be happy. I am now. Really. Life seems more meaningful than before. I dunno y.. but now, I think I'm being more like.. long before.. when I was a happy girl.. Just that now.. I'm a happy.. young woman. =)

lucky me. lol.

2005-08-20T22:48:00.000-07:00

hmm. As per normal, this stupid me. I left my wallet on the seat and walked off. A man walked towards me and Dewi and he was like.. "err. Sorry.. Is this yours?" I was like.. "OMG. THANKS!!" Damn. I don't think I can be this lucky always man. I can't take things for granted that people'd be so nice as to always help me. Kai Xiang was like.. "ni si bei heng ah ni.. si bei eng ah.." He was like rattling on and on. Lol. Oh well.. This is me. The stupid and forgetful one.

Hmmm. What's love? Tell me. Lol.

haishh..

2005-08-19T23:29:00.000-07:00

hmmm. As expected, Kelly got in. But you know what??? Junyang is out!!! What the hell.. Junyang.. Junyang is out. I tell you, i'm just so shocked and I was so speechless when I got to school today. Well, I was late today and when I reached class, I looked damn weary. My friends were all like.. "aiyo, you cried the whole night huh?" I didn't know he was out. I was like.. "Huh? What are you guys saying?" And then they were like.. "Junyang out liao ma.. You sad liao la.." And then I shouted in class.. "WHAT??" My teacher stared at me.. but what the hell. I didn't care.. He was OUT!! Can you believe it? Damn.. am i gonna miss him.. Lots I guess. Lol. Stupid me.

Anyway, I really treasure my friends a lot. Really.. Every single one of you. Trust me. Everytime I felt you guys were fading away, I was just so wrong. And Jasmine, I never wanna see you sad dear. It hurts me. Cos you're the one who always brings laughter to me. =) It's great to have Dewi back in my life. Miss her lots man. And now I'm waiting for Mabel. Lol. When's she gonna go out with me.. lol. Anyway, I love my friends.. and I love the life I'm leading now.. except school life of cos. But well, ren.. zhi yao neng huo de kai xin.. jiu hao. =) [happiness is everything that matters].

can we just forget abt titles??

2005-08-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

hmmm. Went to Lex's house to transfer songs into my I-pod. Her computer was lagging and so, I left it there with her. I hope it'll work out. Haha~! Well, if it doesn't, then I guess I'll have to find other means and ways. Yup, anyway, I got home today to see the computer on. It just tempted me to use it before even bathing. Lol. Don't worry, I'm gonna bathe after this entry. Lol. Hmmm. In Friendster, were a few messages and friend requests.. One which made me laugh till damn mad. Lol. Err. Okay, I'll start here okayy.

I got to know this guy, who started off calling me papaya.. till now I guess, and anyway, I've been calling him cockroach. So ya, he's Qing Wei. Lol. Anyway, he's always wanted to eat me, perhaps because I look tempting, delicious? haha~! Me as in papaya, dun misunderstand people. Lol. Hmmm.. I saw this thing in Friendster. To show you'd be easier.

Kissing Language (yup, it's a language)
If a kiss is the Language of Love, then we have a lot to talk about it..
methods of Love....
+kiss on the ear------"i'm horny"
+kiss on the cheek----"we're friends"
+kiss on the hand-----"i adore you"
+kiss on the neck------"we belong together"
+kiss on the shoulder-----"i want you"
+kiss on the lips------------"i love you" or "i want you"
+holding hands--------"we can learn to love each other"
+a wink-------------------"Let's get it on"
+slap on the butt----"thats mine"
+playing with the ear----"i can't live without you"
+holding on tight----"don't let go"
+looking into each other's eyes-----"let's get romantic"
+pulling hair on head----"tell me you love me"
+arms around the waist---"i love you too much to let go"
=advice=> if you're kissing someone, close your eyes. it's not nice to stare...
=requirements=> post this again after reading!!...or you'll have a bad year of relationships

Okay. So perhaps I'm an idiot. I believe in this kinda thing about the bad year of relationship thingy.. and so I reposted it. And guess what that lame cockroach idiot said?
"so what does eating you whole means?"
-_-" you guys should understand right? the you.. as in me.. as in papaya.. sheeshh.. that's lame. Lol~! But anyway, I replied:
"That just means your mouth is too big for a cockroach" =p

Hmmm. One thing I don't like.. is when people advise me to do something they can't even do. If you can't even do it, why try to advise others? I might seem like those kind who doesn't like to listen when others advise, but sincerely, I do listen.. and I do try to change. Why can't some people stop being so stubborn and just stop a while to listen? It's all for their own good. Really. Shit man. Do something which will not make you regret. I might hate studying and not want to study. But I know when the time comes, I'll make it there. And I'm confident of that. I might be playful at times but I can think. I used to be an immature freak. But I can assure you.. now I'm not. I had some help from some BGRs that made me the person I am now. Well, like what people say.. Experience is not what happens to you.. it's what you DO to what happens to you.. In a tragedy, you can choose to be the victim or you can always choose to learn from it. When a bad thing happens, it's worse when you remember. The best revenge, therefore, is to forget. =)

Well, this reminds me of something I like to think about. Let's just see who actually thinks about these stuffs like I do. Firstly, why is it that people clear their beds every day when they're sure to mess it up again? Why is it that people work so hard to get money and say they are happy? I mean.. when you work all day, you earn the money, yes, that's a sense of satisfaction. But when you can't even get the time to spend your money or spend time with your loved ones, is that what you call happiness? Why is it that they show in movies that people die just to live again? Hmmm. Will that just go on forever? Maybe I think a lot? I dunno. I'm sick in the brain. Actually, thinking of all these just makes me think.. All these are utter rubbish. Cos if we don't clear our beds just because we're gonna mess it up again.. is like.. Not bathing cos we're sure to perspire again? Lol. Pardon me. I'm talking non-sense. Completely.

lol.

2005-08-16T19:39:00.000-07:00

hmmm.. I'm very happy today. There are people who actually care a lot about me. Lol. I'm just pleased. haha~ Well, anyway, I was browsing through Friendster just now and I saw a very lame joke which really made me laugh. Haha~ Well, I'm putting it up so that all of you guyz may have a good laugh as well. haha~!

Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah ! Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah ! Use your blain, use your blainnn ..........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love ?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to wear glove and dig meh.

lol. I sorta had a great laugh. Hope you guys did too ya?

haix... hate this.

2005-08-16T13:48:00.000-07:00

Every month, this kinda thing happens to me. This month, I wonder why it's just soo bad. Damn. The cramp was overbearing. I couldn't even really get up from my bed. I was in great pain. Didn't go to school today. Hmmm. Tests today I can't even take. So guess I'll be taking them tomorrow. Not bad. Gives me time to study also. Just hate it man. Hurts~!!! hmmm. This just reminds me of how people care for you.. and you take things for granted. It's a great feeling to be cared for. Though I admit.. there are people who care about me now, it's just a little different you know. Hmmm. Whatever.. I'll just learn to cherish. Things in life.. You just have to learn and not brood over it. =)

Hmmm. Later, if I'm well.. will be going to Lex's house to get my i-pod done. I got it for so long already and I haven't even used it. So stupid man. Lol. So it's great to know I'm going to use it. Was browsing through wholivesnearyou just now. Hmmm. Watching movies as a group should be fun right? Lol. See how. Hmmm. Nothing much. I'm just BORED at home. Lol.

=)

2005-08-15T18:57:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling damn high today! lol. I just took my English O level oral exam just now. And you know what? It went damn well. I didn't mispronounce any word at all. Though I didn't do that well for the conversation for the content wasn't that promising..But the teachers seemed contented and they didn't ask me as many questions as they asked the rest. This just means that I covered enough points. Lol. Overall, I am damn happy of my performance just now. I actually felt calm while talking to the teachers man. All I can count on now.. is luck. Hopefully, the teachers were lenient enough to give me a distinction for my oral exam. =) I feel great.

Hmmm. Chat with a friend just now. She was talking about her problem with her boyfriend. Sincerely, women just need guys who can let them feel pampered and comfortable. Really. Women will be giving when the guys have shown that they have given all that they can. I'm not saying all women are like that. But.. most friends I know are like that. Sometimes, guys think that the lady is bitchy or an idiot to have left them.. but they never stop to think as to what they have done to have made the girlfriend of theirs leave them. Hmmm. I'm sorry. Perhaps I am being sexist here. Actually what I said reflected both the sexes. Some girls are like that whereas some guys are. I just hope people will cherish what they have before it's too late. I have encountered this kinda thing before.. And it's a very bad feeling. But what's done is done. Experience is not what happens to you, but what you do to what happens to you. In a tragedy, you can always choose to become a victim, or you can choose to learn from it. I choose the latter. And I hope the same goes to you.
For that wonderful friend of mine, who I can see is a wonderful young lady there.. I just hope everything goes well for her. Really, that guy does not realise how great a girl she is. Sadly.

Hmmm. Was browsing through Friendster just now. Man, I saw some real beautiful ladies out there. Admire them a lot. Lol. Hmmm. Went to a friend's account and I could see that she's very happy with a handsome guy. Sorta admire that kinda life. Haha~ However, don't get me wrong. I, indeed, am very happy with life now. Everything's going smoothly.. and now's not the time to be in a relationship anyway. O levels is coming soon. I'll just halt my personal life till O levels is over. I have to study hard man. Have to. Shit. 3 tests tomorrow. I'm sooo dead. Write again ya?

come back to life.

2005-08-14T17:26:00.000-07:00

Some people, though they're physically living in this world, they're just sort of dead mentally. If they aren't mentally dead, then perhaps they don't know how to live. Sincerely, i despise pessimists. It's not like as if what I mean is that you cannot look on the bad side of things. But as far as I know, they're behaving like they have no brains.. thinking that.. whatever will be will be. Well, yes, whatever will be will be but fate is for you to decide. Meng zai shou li. If you guys had watched that show, I really want to say.. the meaning's there. The show is about 3 kids who grew up together. They went to a fortune teller who told them about their lives. Yet, when they grew up, it didn't happen exactly as predicted. Hmm. Maybe it's the fortune teller's fault there.. but the meaning of the story IS there.. that fate is in your hands. Why can't some people just think? They want to ruin their own life. I know that one of these people'd be here reading this. But he should know better than to be so stupid. No one wants things to end this way. But life is like that. Things don't always go the way you want it. But you.. only you yourself can determine what happens next. I just hope people would use their brains and THINK. Try to be an optimist. It is not easy I shall say.. But let it be a challenge then. Cos being an optimist.. is the best anyone can be. It's a gift. *always look at the glass half FULL rather than half empty_____ =)

Just cleared my books and stuffs. Waiting to eat again. Now having the mood to start studying again. I promised myself to hold my outings till my exams are over. Not that I won't go out.. just cutting down on them. I need some break too man. Heez. So, I shall go home after school and not to some shopping centre or out playing ball games. Lol. If it were to be out studying, I would. =) Must start studying. I don't wanna see my hard work go down the drain. I don't wanna let my many years of studying be in vain man. Plus my parents.. I can't disappoint them. I might not be some kinda geek.. but well, it won't harm being one for these next three months. All the best to me. ;) Ohh.. and ya, Joey just got a tag board for me. Do tag ya? lol. Later~.

yawn..

2005-08-14T02:38:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. Sigh~ Think i need to re-take my O level Malay. My parents and some true friends know I can do better. I guess.. it's no harm trying. One grade can make a big difference. I'll work harder this time. Lol. Must start studying hard. So far, the mood is there for English, Maths and POA already. It'll soon come for the others too. =) Farah(pri sch best fren) msg me today. So great to hear from her. She doesn't mind giving me a helping hand in my Science. That'll just be something I need. She's always been motivating me to study. N I'm sure that'll make me wanna study even more. =)

Yesterday.. witnessed a fight. Hmm. Some of the people I know.. were so nice.. You can never know when people can just turn into another person.. They are nice people. I could feel it. But that's the route they chose. One.. in which, I bet they'd regret. Hope they'll change and realise the good things soon. Some of them are highly-educated though they're what you call "gangsters". They gave me a shock.. but those are what you call.. great. Lol.

Went to find Wei Chang for a while while waiting for Qing Wei and his friend.. Saw Mikal and Kai Xiang.. going dunno where. Then, I met Qing Wei and his friend. And we went to meet some other people. Hmmm. Was pretty fun.. listening to their crap and stuffs. Guys just love to talk about cars. And guys' stuffs? lol. Well, it was fun. Some looked like gangsters.. But they aren't. Maybe they were.. but what's past.. let's put it all aside. Time for me to go to bed.. =) nite~!

results. =(

2005-08-12T17:13:00.000-07:00

Heii. Firstly, how about we start with the normal things in life ya? I don't know why, but I don't seem to remember what I did these few days. I mean, I forget many things that I did. But anyway, met Joey, Dominic n Geraldine(Dom's gf) yesterday. Geraldine looks sweet and innocent. She reminds me of Tanya, my classmate in PHS. She's the sort who looks damn sweet and innocent, yet can share the same thoughts or even behaviours of one who isn't like them. Hmmm. So actually, are they sweet and innocent? Lol. I wonder.. But Geraldine's a nice girl.. Can't deny that.. as far as I know her.. Hmmm. Dom and Joey walked me home after sending Geraldine to the bus interchange. Hmmm. One funny thing happened. Me and Dom actually, DAMN UNEXPECTEDLY said something at the very same time.. Forgot what's that..Something like.. "That's their problem." lol. It was DAMN funny. Haha.. Yup.. Saw Lisah at the bus stop, all dressed up. I miss her. =)

Hmmm. I went home.. Changed.. Then went to find Jerry, Desmond they all. They were playing pool. I went there, chat for a while.. then left. I had to pass my sister her stuffs. Hmmm. Then went to find Wei Chang.. Played Photo Hunt. Had real fun playing it with him n Danny.. N two other peeps. Hmmm. He sent me home after that.

Well, today....................... Here comes the "not so good" part. Firstly, I had a POA test. I studied for it okay. I really did. The teacher came into class late and didn't wanna give us any extra time. Aiyo. Suan le. There goes my ice-cream chocolate cake. Lol. (Someone was gonna give me a treat if I got an A for that test.) Oh well.. Hmmm. Then the worse part.. Taking my O level Malay results. I'm damn happy with my oral results but not the written one. I got a distinction for my oral but flunked my written exam.. got a B3. haix. Wonder if I should re-take. *vexed~!*

rise & shine~!

2005-08-10T11:33:00.000-07:00

Oh what the hell~! I was awoken by my perspiration all over me. Hell to the person who off the air-con before I was awake. The fan wasn't on either!! Damn it man. But since I'm awake, there's no way I can get back to sleep.

Hmmm. Was just looking at my blog. Where are my older posts?? Gone? Like.. I can't see them or something. Aiyo. Stupid man. I don't know. I'm very bad at computer stuffs. Computer IDIOT. hehe.

Hmmm. Something real stupid happened yesterday. Wei Chang, Xinying and Danny accompanied me to see a friend before heading home. We took the bus home and i stupidly left my purse on the seat. Damn. Xinying was so great.. She actually ran with me all the way to the bus stop like.. 3 stops after we alighted. We were just on time and the bus driver was great. I checked the seat and LUCKILY, it was still there. I was lucky that was around midnight.Otherwise I think there'll surely be no sign of it. After that, I walked back home. The streets were like so empty at night. Called a friend to chat to kill the fear in me. But my phone went flat after just a "hello" from him. Lol~! So unlucky. But I'm still kicking and alive, typing his event. Heez.

Hmmm. You guys might be wondering about my bai ma wang zi. Ehh.. Never dreamt of him anymore. But well, I don't want to either. So stupid~! Lol. Hmmm. Maybe one day, I'll meet a true guy.. whom in my eyes, is the most charming guy I've ever seen. Sometimes, I wonder. What's past is past.. isn't it? Shouldn't be tormented by those memories. Forget it. =)

Damn. I'm so worried now ya know?? Hmmm. O levels is around the corner. Prelims is worse~! I'm not prepared.. AT ALL!! I'm so afraid.. yet I just can't help it but NOT study. I don't wanna regret not studying.. So i guess, I'll be studying soon. No, not soon. Today. =) Alright, I wanna have my breakfast. Stomach's calling out already. Lol~! Till then.. Later~!

tired..

2005-08-10T01:40:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. Where should I begin? So many places I went to today and so many people I met. Oh well.. I met Shi Hui today.. Went to Bugis.. Shopped and shopped. Damn tired. Lots of chio bu. lol. Then went to meet JR and his girlfriend. My god~! Neither me nor Shi Hui could believe his girlfriend was only 13! Hmm. Ate at Long John. Went to Heeren. (I'm just making things short here. a lil tired. Lol. ) Talked to Dragon. He's like still so handsome. Lol. Then.. Went back to Yishun. I love being with Shi Hui. She always says what I have in mind. Lol. What to do? Great minds think alike. Lol. Hmmm. Met Hui Ling at Yishun. Saw lotsa people there. Aiyo. Dun wanna mention la.. Eh.. I find today's entry damn borrrring la.. Lol. You guys not interested already right? Neither am I. End here. Oops. Wait.. Just wanna tell you guys my computer's back to norm. I'll be blogging. Heez~! =p yawns..

bai ma wang zi..

2005-07-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

My prince charming.. I've been dreaming a lot lately, about him. He is such a gentleman. I couldn't believe it. It felt so unreal. Yet, i guess it was. I dreamt of him for the past two weeks already and it was only yesterday that it was so clear. A guy approached me.. and started talking to me. To my surprise, my prince charming actually got angry with that guy and claimed that I was his girlfriend. Godd!! Happiness was rushing inside me. I was so overwhelmed. Hmmm. But well, maybe it is just wishful thinking in my part. Maybe in this dream, he was just toying with my feelings. Maybe.. Lol. But then again, it's only a dream. I don't even know when these dreams would just halt to an end. I really wish it won't. But well, there's always an end to everything. He's such a great guy. The feelings and all. Well, maybe he's not perfect. But at the very least, I get the kinda tingling feeling. Lol. It's ONLY A DREAM!!

Well, besides these dreams.. life's kinda fun. Got a great friend to share stuffs with (Shi Hui). Friends in class to make my life light up so much. And our LG. Lol. I feel great. And certainly, life is great now. I don't want anything to change.. at all. Muackx to my life. Lol.

You know what? this is a lame post. well, i'm happy and that's all that matters. =)